Day 22 – Diary of a Wimpy Vagina

The Wimpy Vagina

Day 22

Read Day 14

Back at it today. I finally found my elastic band which was a minor miracle. I gave it a charity stretch and it immediately split. Sewing it up seemed to be the obvious next move, followed by some sticky tape, but it split again and whipped me in the leg for my trouble.

By the time it broke I was close to finishing workout three. This workout includes the sexy, if you didn’t feel like your canal was getting dredged already, you do now, move; pull it up, zip it up and squeeze – oh how I’ve missed you. This is a standing move where I spread my legs, toes out (toe direction is very important – point those toes!), followed by a half (assed) squat.

I then slowly stand back up, and judging by the instructor’s hand-action around her crotch (she claps her hands together, fingers pointing to the ground, and slides them up), the ‘zipping it up’ is my pelvic basket lifting into the heavens), and then finally I clench my butt and kind of tuck it under. This is fucking hideous.

I just skipped the elastic bit and finished all of the other moves. This workout is harder than the first two, which makes sense. I have my period at the moment, which made all the moves feel kind of heavy and gross – #vaginavulnerability

Until next time.