Aunt Vadge: if my hymen is gone, does that mean I’m not a virgin anymore?

Hi Aunt Vadge, good day!

I’ve been fingered by my boyfriend a number of times. I’m 18 years old. He is the first person who has touched my vagina. We did it so many times and it didn’t bleed. I’m just wondering if the time comes when he would put his penis inside me, would it bleed? Please answer my question – I’m just wondering if I’m not a virgin anymore.

Thanks
Curious

Dear Curious,

If you have been fingered many times without bleeding, it seems very unlikely that a penis would cause you bleeding. It’s not impossible, but it would seem that your hymen is now stretched out and won’t pose you any problems.

As to whether you are a ‘virgin’ or not, that is a more difficult question. Please read our article about virginity, as it’s a really difficult question to answer. In the general meaning of the term, if you have had penetrative vagina-penis intercourse at least once, then by all conventional standards, you are no longer a virgin.

As you’ll read in our article, there are many variations of this that cause this term to be confusing, but in your case, it seems straightforward: you are still a virgin.

Not having a hymen has no bearing whatsoever on whether you are a virgin or not, since bike riding, horse riding, gymnastics, tampons and masturbating can all remove any trace of the hymen. This is completely normal, and even without any of those activities, your hymen may have naturally disappeared over the course of your 18 years.

Read our article on the hymen (and why some people think it’s so important, when it really isn’t – it’s like losing a baby tooth) to get more information on your hymen.

Write anytime!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.