Hymen gone – does that mean I'm not a virgin?

Author: Aunt Vadge
Qualified Naturopath | BHSc(N)

Last reviewed: July 2, 2026

Hi Aunt Vadge, good day!

I’ve been fingered by my boyfriend a number of times – I’m 18, and he’s the first person to touch my vagina. We’ve done it lots of times and it never bled. I’m wondering, when the time comes and he puts his penis inside me, will it bleed? And does this mean I’m not a virgin anymore?

Thanks,
Curious

Dear Curious,

If you’ve been fingered many times without any bleeding, it’s very unlikely a penis would suddenly cause bleeding. It’s not impossible, but it sounds like your hymen has already stretched out and won’t give you any trouble.

As for whether you’re a ‘virgin’, that’s a trickier question than it sounds. Have a read of our article on what being a virgin actually means. In the everyday sense of the word, you become ‘not a virgin’ once you’ve had penis-in-vagina sex at least once – so in your case, as it stands, you’re still a virgin.

The state of your hymen has no bearing on this at all. Bike riding, horse riding, gymnastics, tampons and masturbating can all wear away any trace of a hymen, and even without any of those, it may simply have faded on its own over your 18 years. That’s completely normal.

Our article on the hymen explains why some people treat it as such a big deal when it really isn’t – it’s a bit like losing a baby tooth.

Write any time!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.