Aunt Vadge: shaving makes oral sex uncomfortable for my boyfriend. Should I wax?

Scratchy Pubic Hair

Aunt Vadge,

My boyfriend wants me to get a Hollywood wax. 

I do shave and make sure everything is as smooth and clean as possible for him when I can, minus the odd razor bump and ingrown hair, but even when I have just spent an hour shaving for him, he still suggests waxing because oral sex is uncomfortable for him.

The feminist in me tells me I shouldn’t change my body for anyone, but if it makes him more comfortable, should it be considered?

He’s only asking because it would feel better for him, and maybe the stubble wouldn’t rub/hurt his face? It would be different if he were asking just because he preferred the way it looked or something superficial.

But him saying this a couple of times recently has made me feel undesirable and now that I know he’d much prefer me to be fully waxed, if he starts to go down on me I feel uncomfortable and he senses that, and it stops me from climaxing because I know he’s not enjoying it that much. Which makes it worse for the both of us!

He even said, I quote: “I would happily spend hours down there if you were waxed”. I’ve never felt uncomfortable like this and it has really upset me, and I am nervous to book a Brazilian/Hollywood as I am only 17 and have never had one done before! Help!

Yours,
Feminist

_________

Dearest Feminist,

Your boyfriend is willing to go down on your for hours if need be, but is having trouble because your hair removal technique makes it uncomfortable for him.

This isn’t rocket science! You should be making this as comfortable for him as possible because he is doing you a favour, so book your Brazilian immediately!

You’ll like it better anyway if you are already shaving all your hair off – which is probably part of the problem. If you either grew a muff, or waxed in a Brazilian, you’ll find it much more comfortable. And so will your boyfriend.

Growing your pubic hair out a bit works in exactly the same way as a wax (but maybe better in some ways) and is free – you can buy a cheap trimmer/use scissors and just make it quite short (nobody wants a 2-inch pube halfway down their throat), but not prickly.

If you prefer it bald, then a wax is the way to go, but don’t be scared to grow a little muff – it has a very protective effect during sex and is soft on his face, instead of prickly. You don’t need to have a mega-bush or anything else you don’t like, but having a small puff of hair is beautiful and sexy, and you can trim around the edges if you prefer (shave or wax).

Shaving is actually a horrible way to remove hair – it is expensive to buy good razors, it’s time-consuming to do well, can be painful, end up bumpy and red with ingrown hairs. Worst of all, you never really get smooth for very long because the hair is simply chopped off at the skin bluntly then grows straight back within hours or days.

There are better ways to get rid of hair.

Waxing has a longer grow-back period because the whole hair has to regrow, not just the tip, and you do still risk ingrown hairs, but it does stay smoother for longer, and after a few years, your hair stops growing back as thick and coarse. Waxing isn’t the most ideal thing in the world, but at this stage in your life, you probably want to keep your pubic hair options open and not opt for laser just yet.

If you already shave all of your pubes off anyway, it’s not like he is asking you to do anything you aren’t already doing, and if you reversed it, he’d have done it in a heartbeat. You are still just as feminist as ever, my dear, fret not.

This is a no-brainer. Stop shaving and make it easy for your boyfriend to make you orgasm with his mouth, you lucky girl! Waxing hurts, but not getting your downstairs lovin’ by your boyfriend because you feel weird about it hurts even more. Go forth and be waxed.

Love,
Aunt Vadge

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.
Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

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