Aunt Vadge: my boyfriend was rough on my clit, now it’s swollen

Hi Aunt Vadge,

So during intercourse with my partner when he was rubbing my clitoris, he was quite rough, and when I look the next day it was swollen around the area!!!

Why is this, because I can’t seem to find anything about it, or how to stop it or the discomfort and pain for days after!!

Age: 18
Country: U.K.

Dear Swollen,

That sounds really uncomfortable!

First I would recommend that you apply a small amount of lubricating vegetable oil, such as coconut oil or even olive oil if you don’t have anything else around. Just a small amount. Rub it across your poor swollen vulva (clitoris, labia) so that when you move, the skin glides, instead of catching. This is the first step to help reduce ongoing irritation. Don’t use any other ointment or cream – just pure oil.

The oil itself doesn’t do anything much as a therapeutic agent, but it creates a slippery slidey effect.

Your clitoris will heal, so keeping it clean and dry, with a little oil to lubricate the skin, is enough – then you just have to wait.

If you wanted to, and it’s safe for you to do so, you could take an over-the-counter anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen, to help the swelling go down faster and reduce the discomfort.

You could also apply an ice pack, but make sure you have a cloth over the cold pack to avoid causing further damage. You want it to be cold, but not frozen and sticking to your skin. Apply the ice pack for 20 minutes at a time, a few times a day until it starts to feel better. You can use frozen peas or anything from the freezer.

If you need to, when you pee (if it stings) pour warm water over your urethra to stop the stinging sensation. The stinging is caused by the acidic urine hitting your damaged skin. The water dilutes the urine, so the stinging is minimised or eliminated.

If your pain and suffering does not get better over the next few days, you should go and see your doctor to be examined. If your clitoris bleeds, weeps or starts to get hot (infected), see your doctor immediately.

You’ll very likely get better very quickly, since genital tissue is one of the fastest parts of our bodies to heal.

The next thing to remember is not to let your boyfriend be so rough next time! Your vulva and vagina – while very robust – are also extremely delicate when used incorrectly, and you need to learn where the edges are in terms of what results in pain and suffering afterwards.

Make sure your boyfriend knows exactly what you’ve been through, so he can do better next time. Him knowing exactly what’s happened is important for both of you in the future.

Write anytime!

Aunt Vadge