Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Hi Aunt Vadge,
During sex my partner was rubbing my clitoris quite roughly, and the next day it was swollen around the area! Why has this happened, how do I stop it, and how do I ease the discomfort and pain that’s lasted for days?
Yours,
Swollen
Age 18, UK
Dear Swollen,
Ouch – but the reassuring part is that this is just soft-tissue irritation, and it’ll settle.
The why makes the fix make sense: when you’re aroused, your clitoris engorges with blood (it’s erectile tissue, like a tiny penis). And vigorous, dry friction on that swollen, delicate tissue is like rubbing any sensitive body part too hard – it gets inflamed, puffy and tender, sometimes a little bruised.
Not damage to panic about, just an angry clitoris.
To settle it, smear a thin layer of plain oil (coconut or olive) over the vulva so the skin glides instead of catching as you move – nothing else, no creams – and use a cloth-wrapped cold pack (frozen peas are perfect) for 20 minutes at a time, a few times a day, to bring the swelling down.
Ibuprofen helps the swelling and soreness if it’s safe for you, and if weeing stings, pour warm water over yourself as you go to dilute the acidic urine hitting the sore skin.
Otherwise just keep it clean and dry and give it time – genital tissue is among the fastest-healing in the body, so you’ll likely feel much better within a few days. See a doctor if it doesn’t improve, or sooner if it bleeds, weeps or feels hot, which would suggest infection.
So it doesn’t happen again, two things: plenty of lubrication (the clitoris hates dry rubbing), and a gentle word with your boyfriend.
This isn’t about blame – the clitoris needs finesse, not force, and most enthusiastic partners simply don’t know their own strength – so tell him plainly what happened and what feels good, and our guide to pleasuring a woman is a brilliant thing to read together.
Learning where your edges are is part of great sex.
There’s more on whether pain and bleeding after fingering is normal.
Feel better soon,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
