Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Yo Aunt Vadge,
My man got some chapped lips and I been tellin’ him, get some Chapstick, and this dude like “Nah”. How do I tell him to get it together?
Smooth Lips
Age 21, MA, USA
Hey Smooth Lips,
My advice? Stop kissing him until he sorts those cracked lips out – don’t reward bad behaviour. He clearly doesn’t grasp how much his crusty lips affect you, and he’s either a bit scared to try something or simply doesn’t think he has a problem.
Either way, the message is simple: if he wants to kiss, have sex, or do anything else fun and intimate that involves lips, he needs to bring some decent lips to the party. Lips are everything – imagine him going down on you with those.
Eugh.
A way to actually make him feel it rather than just hear it: get him to close his eyes, then gently rub the soft inner part of his wrist against your lips – kiss it a little, lick it a little, breathe on it, make it sensual (the inner wrist is lovely, soft, sensitive skin, perfect for this).
Then take that same wrist and slowly drag it across his own dry, crusty lips and ask him how that compares. Do you get it now? It’s not fair that your lips are lovely and his are sandpaper – it doesn’t feel good for you.
As for why it happens: lips are delicate, so they dry and crack easily, especially in extremes of dry, windy, cold or hot weather (you see far less of it in humid places).
That cracking means the skin barrier protecting his lips is broken, which isn’t healthy – if it were happening anywhere else on his body he’d deal with it, but because it’s ‘just chapped lips’ he shrugs it off.
Usually it’s one of a few things: he’s dehydrated, he’s doing something that dries them out (like licking them constantly), or both – or, occasionally, a lip problem that needs a doctor.
The licking is its own trap: saliva carries food-digesting enzymes that irritate the lip skin, which makes him lick more, and then the saliva evaporates and dries the lips out further. Picking or biting the flaky bits just adds little cuts that have to heal.
The fix for the first two causes is easy and works within a couple of days: drink more water, and use a barrier balm – Chapstick, Vaseline or paw paw.
Chapstick and Vaseline are made from highly refined mineral oil, which seals moisture in far better than vegetable oils (which let moisture escape), so for an immediate lip crisis they win. After that he can use whatever feels good day to day.
You can’t force him, but you can get him to wear balm every day for a 3–5 day trial – he’ll actually love how it feels, because dry lips don’t feel good to him either. And yes, you can absolutely withhold kisses until he sorts it; if he won’t, he’s choosing crusty lips over your relationship, which is frankly weird.
If he does try all this and nothing changes, then it’s a dermatological lip issue worth a doctor’s look. Good luck!
Best,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
