Aunt Vadge: fingering makes me want to pee

Hi Aunt Vadge,

I have certain issues regarding fingering. Whenever I finger myself or my partner does it, I feel a sensation of needing to pee again and again.

When I finger myself then it’s kinda less and I can control it but when my partner did it for the first time, we had to stop again and again because I had to pee. This happens every time – that I feeling like urinating when we get into fingering.

There is also a little pain sometimes but sometimes no pain at all. Once it was extremely painful but that was way back, and now I am only concerned about the urinating sensation part.

  • Am I suffering from a problem?
  • Should I continue to finger when this sensation comes or I should go and urinate every time this happens as I usually do? Stopping again and again to urinate does not give much pleasure.
  • What should I do?
  • Am I suffering from something serious?
  • Should I quit fingering forever?
  • And will the problem persist when I have sex for the first time, will I have to stop in between to urinate?

I am 18 and looking for a suitable response.

In anticipation
Yours Sincerely

Age 18

Dear Worried,

It sounds like you are inadvertently pressing on the upper wall of your vagina, under which lies your urethra – the tube your pee comes out of.

How your urethra works – and why fingering is setting it off

Your urethra uses a pressure system, so when pee is in the tube, the urethra propels it out of your body. This propulsion empties your bladder completely and urinating is done for that moment.

What you’re doing is pushing on your urethra and triggering this pee reflex, even though you probably just peed and know there isn’t any more pee to come out.

Moving on from peeing constantly during fingering

The first step in overcoming this is to make sure you pee before you start making out, so you know for sure you don’t need to pee. Then, work to overcome your focus on this feeling and instead start to feel that it could be associated with pleasure.

The top wall of your vagina also houses your enormous clitoral structures, also known as the ‘g-spot’.

The MRI of the Clitoris
Yellow is your clitoral structures, purple is your vaginal canal and cervix.

When you are turned on, rubbing the upper wall of your vagina can make you feel like you need to pee, but you don’t need to. If the feeling is very strong, it can be pretty off-putting.

When you are really turned on, the feeling is likely to be less intense, as there is a lot more blood to act as a cushion, so work on getting very turned on before you or your boyfriend puts anything into your vagina.

You’re not broken!

There is almost certainly nothing wrong with you anatomically that is causing this; it’s a little mind over matter – learning to re-associate the sensation with pleasure and letting go (you won’t pee, promise!), being very turned on during fingering, and making sure your fingering techniques are not contributing to the problem.

You’re on the right track!

Aunt Vadge