Hi there Aunt Vadge,
Is it possible if I have vaginal dryness that I can make my partners penis dry after having intercourse only one time in the last week? My partner says it’s sticky and I am making his penis sore because I am so dry inside. He also has dry patch on the head of his penis, and the rim around the head is all red and sore underneath.
Could this be from me? He says it’s because my pH is off and my vagina is acidic. He even said it irritated the split cuticles on his fingers. I suspect he was unfaithful – he was away from home for a week, and when came back we had sex once, and attempted a second time, and now he’s too sore and can’t continue.
Could his sore penis be a result of extensive cheating and the real reason he has dry skin, or could a pH imbalance be the cause?
Sticky and Suspicious
Canada, Age 37
Dear Sticky and Suspicious,
Here are our thoughts.
A dry vagina can cause friction damage – soreness and irritated skin
We are absolutely unable to say why your partner has dry patches on his penis and a sore penis with any certainty, but it is completely plausible that your self-confessed dry vagina may be the cause, as he is telling you it is. Dry friction is very damaging to penises and vaginas.
A sore vagina occurs if your vagina is even a little bit dry during sex, because the penis pulls and grabs and rubs all the wrong directions – the tissue is delicate. This happens to penises too – they are not magic or immune to damage. Penises get all sorts of weird stuff happen to them, but we are so used to thinking men can do anything they want and nothing bad happens.
I had a boyfriend who popped out in red blotches on his lower stomach and penis days after sex with me on top, because he was sensitive to my very, very minor yeast infection, but of course my crazy lady brain was thinking (before he Dr. Googled it), “Who have you been having sex with! What is this STD!” – completely unreasonable, at least in that particular case. Go figure. I had at that point suffered frequent yeast infections, and no boyfriend had ever popped out in a rash before, so I wasn’t accustomed to this turn of events. Some men, I’ve since learnt, are susceptible to our yeasty vaginas, while others are not.
Jumping to terrible conclusions is really damaging to your relationship and trust, so get the facts and deal with what’s in front of you first before leaping into the deep end of cheatersville.
Why the dry vagina?
You need to address why your vagina is dry. If you have an underlying condition that is affecting your pH, then you need to find out what it is. A dry vagina at 37 isn’t normally a thing, EXCEPT, of course, if your vagina dried up because you suspect your partner of cheating on you.
That would dry up anyone’s vagina real quick, along with making you cranky and unreasonable. Obviously this cheating thing hasn’t just appeared out of nowhere, so I suggest you address that head-on.
If you truly believe your partner has been cheating on you, sore, dry penis aside (it is not evidence of anything at all – since when does a week of sex cause a dry, sore penis? He’s doing it all wrong!), then deal with it accordingly. If not, you have no other option than to trust him, and accept responsibility for your dry vagina and be a bit more compassionate for his sore penis!