Aunt Vadge: painful sex that has resulted in a tear and brown discharge

Hi there Aunt Vadge, 

Okay so I had sex the other day with my partner, and it was a little painful, but I told him, and afterwards I went to the bathroom and there was blood on toilet paper. It’s been three days and now it’s just extremely painful near the opening and stings when I pee. I don’t want to say there’s a tear but I feel like that’s what has happened. I also want to note that now instead of blood, I have a brown discharge almost like old blood.

What’s wrong? Should I go to the emergency room? Or see if things heal in a week?

Age: 20
Country/Area: United states

Dear Torn,

It sounds like you have had a tear or abrasion inside the vagina and some damage to the vaginal opening, causing stinging when you pee and the blood and discharge. This will heal by itself over the next few days. Unless you are in pain or the bleeding hasn’t stopped, there is no need to go to the emergency room. Welcome to sex damage!

You’ll both need to learn to do better in future: if sex hurts, change or stop what you are doing, because you are damaging yourself. Sex is never supposed to hurt. Find another way, and teach your boyfriend how to make you feel good, without the pain – it’s not part of sex!

You can utilise more lube, try more sex play that does not involve penetration, and make sure you are really really turned on before penetration. Our bodies require a bit of cajoling sometimes, which means our lovers need to learn our bodies as we must learn theirs. Practice with each other, try out different maneuvers, and talk about how everything feels.

If you need extra tips, read Sex 101, oral sex tips for lovers, and fingering basics.

Write anytime!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge  

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