Aunt Vadge: I had sex, now I’m bleeding, but I’m too scared to tell my mum – what should I say?

Hi Aunt Vadge, 

I had sex recently and nearing the end it was really painful. Since, I’ve been bleeding NON STOP. It’s driving me nuts. I really need this to stop. It’s been about 40 hours of constant blood. I really don’t know what to do. The thing is, I can’t really tell my mom because I don’t want her to know I’ve been having sex. Is there anything else I could tell her that could’ve caused it that would get her to take me to a doctor? Please help. 

Yours,
Bleeding
Age: 16
Country/Area: United States

Dear Bleeding,

This is always a tricky topic, because we all know that our parents do not want us having sex, possibly ever! You do need to see a doctor though – if you are losing a lot of blood, that needs to happen ASAP because something has gone wrong.

You could say that you have some burning when you pee, which could  be an innocent urinary tract infection, which is quite common, and requires a doctor. Once you’re at the doctor, you can talk about what’s going on in privacy.

The symptoms that you would have if you had a UTI would be burning when you pee, you need to pee quite a lot, but not much comes out, and it sort of hurts and burns and feels weird and horrible. You don’t need to go overboard, but you can just say, “Mum I’ve looked up my symptoms, and I think I have a urinary tract infection, so I need to go to the doctor,” and she will have more than likely had one before, and know what needs to happen, and how quickly. UTIs are horrible, though not particularly dangerous for the most part, so urgency is key in getting an appointment, and you can’t wait until tomorrow. You need an appointment today, even if you have to go to an emergency clinic.

A urinary tract infection can happen to anyone, anytime, and the typical treatment is antibiotics.

I know it’s probably extra weird, but you could tell your mum that you were masturbating – or allude to this idea (“I was, uno, playing around and investigating my vagina”) and then say you have started bleeding and it won’t stop. Your mother has a vagina too, and was 16 once, so she has also had vagina problems and had to talk to her mother or another adult about it. It doesn’t actually matter what you were doing, because damage can happen for so many reasons, including fingernails, masturbating with weird things, and accidents on bikes and seats and so on.

You could also tell her the truth – mothers can surprise us sometimes. Mine sure did, when I was 16 and I had to tell my mum I was having sex, because I left my pill at my friend’s house and had to go pick it up, but we were both grounded so I wasn’t allowed at her house and she had to drive me… My mum was weirdly great, though I was petrified. You are the best judge of that though.

Write anytime.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.
Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

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