Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Hi Aunt Vadge,
I had sex recently and near the end it was really painful. Since then I’ve been bleeding non-stop – it’s been about 40 hours of constant blood and it’s driving me nuts. I really need it to stop. The thing is, I can’t really tell my mum, because I don’t want her to know I’ve been having sex. Is there something else I could tell her that would get her to take me to a doctor? Please help.
Yours,
Bleeding
Dear Bleeding,
I want you to be seen by a doctor today – please don’t wait any longer. Bleeding non-stop for 40 hours after sex is too much and too long, and it needs looking at in person now, at a doctor’s surgery, an urgent care clinic, or an emergency department. This isn’t me being dramatic; ongoing bleeding like this usually means there’s a tear that needs treating to stop it, and that’s very fixable once someone can see it.
Go straight to an emergency department right now, today, if the bleeding is soaking through pads, or you feel dizzy, faint, shaky or like your heart is racing. Those are signs you’re losing more blood than is safe to sit with, and they mean go now, not later.
Now, the part you’re actually worried about: getting to a doctor without telling your mum you’ve had sex. You can absolutely do that, and you don’t have to out yourself to get help. The bleeding on its own is a real, urgent reason to be seen, and it gives nothing away about how it started. Something like ‘Mum, I’m bleeding a lot down there and it won’t stop, and it really hurts – I need to see a doctor today’ is true, serious, and says nothing about sex.
If she asks what caused it, you don’t have to spell it out. ‘I’m not sure’ or ‘I’d rather talk to the doctor about it’ is a completely fair thing to say, and you’re allowed to keep that part to yourself. How it happened is your business; getting the bleeding stopped is what matters right now.
And if the only way to get your mum to take you is to give her a reason that isn’t the whole truth – really bad period pain, heavy bleeding, feeling faint and needing a doctor – then that’s okay. I’m not going to tell you to lie to your mum, but I’m also not going to pretend everyone can be open at home. Whatever gets you in front of a doctor today is the right move, and you can save the real story for the doctor.
That’s the part that keeps it private: their only job is to stop the bleeding and make sure you’re okay. You can ask to be seen on your own for part of the visit – it’s completely normal to ask – and tell the doctor what really happened, in confidence, so they can treat you properly while your mum only knows you’re bleeding. They are not there to judge you, they’ve seen this many times, and what you tell them is confidential. You deserve care no matter what you were doing.
You don’t have to find the perfect words, either. ‘I’m bleeding and I need a doctor’ is all anyone needs to hear to help you get there.
Please go and get seen. You’re not in trouble, and this is fixable – it just needs to happen now.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for in-person medical care. If you are bleeding heavily or feel faint, dizzy or unwell, treat it as an emergency and go to an emergency department or call your local emergency number now.
