Aunt Vadge: I’m a guy with some questions!

Aunt Vadge, hi. 

I hope you’re as joyful as possible!!

  1. Now, does penis contact on various vaginal surfaces feel unique to women? I see that her privates have multiple parts.
  2. Would tighter stimulation for the female feel better than not?
  3. What is it like for a woman to both have intercourse and have her boob touched?
  4. Would a kiss or a touch of the breast feel better with sex for a woman?


Age 35, USA

Hi Curious,

Thanks for your email! I am joyful, thank you for enquiring. I also hope the same for you. To answer you questions directly:

#1. Does penis contact on various vaginal surfaces feel unique to women?

I’m not entirely sure whether you mean unique to each woman, as in every woman feels the sensations differently, or that each surface feels unique compared to one another, so I’ll answer both. Our bodies are generally built the same, with minor differences.

The way that each of us, men and women alike, experience pleasure is more or less the same, because our nervous systems are set up the same way.

There are minor differences between us, so you might like someone running their fingers through your hair, while someone else may find that annoying. The various surfaces of the vagina and vulva are built from different cells, and so respond in unique ways.

These responses are not unique to each woman, but they do have minor differences. The inner labia, for example, are highly sensitive and jam-packed full of nerve-endings​1​. The inner labia are a very important part of a woman’s sexual arousal system.

If you look at how our bodies are built, the core cells are the same in the beginning, so for example the labia majora (outer labia) are made from the same cells as your scrotum. This means you can figure out what something might feel like by how it feels for you on those areas.

Here is a list of comparable differences between genitals/core cells that you could draw on:

  • Scrotum and labia majora
  • Penile skin and labia minora
  • Glans penis (head of the penis) and clitoral glans (outside bump of clitoris)
  • Bulb of penis and vestibular bulbs
  • Foreskin and clitoral hood

Genital nerve supply is different in men and women, with the clitoris having more nerve endings than any part of any body. That makes the clitoris special.

The vagina is quite a unique set of tissues compared to anything a man has, because it has to be incredibly stretchy and versatile to fulfil several roles – fertilisation of an egg, growing a baby, giving birth, and sexual pleasure. This means there is nothing comparable in men for you to draw on.

The vagina has remarkably few nerve endings compared with other parts of the female genitals, which makes sense – you don’t want to feel every single part of squeezing out a baby! It would be too painful. This means that the vagina itself is not really the sexual pleasure centre – it’s what the vagina provides access to.

The entrance to the vagina and just inside is very sensitive, but so is what’s known as the g-spot, which is where the much bigger body of the clitoris is accessed from inside the vagina.

If you look up the clitoris, it’s actually quite big inside the body, and has legs that become erect, just like a penis does. This is worth knowing when you are learning how to find the hot spots on a woman’s body. For her to enjoy sex, she needs an erection of her clitoral tissue just like you do. Her cervix can also be very pleasurable and even orgasmic.

Each woman has a different arrangement of her pelvic nerve bundles, unlike men, whose pelvic nerve bundles are usually quite uniform in their arrangements. This can mean that one woman can orgasm easily from anal sex, while another may not understand what the big deal is.

It also means that every woman’s body needs to be learnt, and you can’t make many assumptions about what she’ll like and what she will find boring or dislike.

So, the point of this is it really doesn’t matter about what part of you is touching her – penis or fingers or tongue. Yes, the sensations are different on different parts of her vulva and vagina.

#2. Would tighter stimulation for the female feel better than not?

There is a certain level of friction that is desirable during sex that makes it peak pleasurable for both partners. This friction requires some tension/tightness, but not too much, because that will cause pain.

#3. What is it like for a woman to both have intercourse and have her boob touched?

You’ll have to ask the woman you are having sex with! Women’s breasts and nipples vary considerably in their sensitivity, and touching her breast while having sex may range from uncomfortable to highly arousing. You just never know unless you ask or try it and see what her response is.

#4. Would a kiss or a touch of the breast feel better with sex for a woman?

It depends on the woman and it depends on your technique! If you have rough hands and sharp fingernails, she may like your kiss better, or if you have a dry mouth and stiff tongue, she may prefer your hands. It truly depends on her and you both, in that moment.

Usually a combination of kissing and touching is lovely, so you could assume unless told otherwise that she will likely enjoy both. But, as always, if you’re not sure, ask!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge


  1. 1.
    Uloko M, Isabey EP, Peters BR. How many nerve fibers innervate the human glans clitoris: a histomorphometric evaluation of the dorsal nerve of the clitoris. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Published online January 30, 2023:247-252. doi:10.1093/jsxmed/qdac027