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Hi Aunt Vadge,
I’m so confused about my vagina. My boyfriend and I have phone sex once or twice a week, and when he turns me on I finger myself – but afterwards there’s blood on my hand. I only ever use one finger, and I’m not a virgin, so I don’t understand why I’m bleeding. I never feel any pain.
I only ever see blood on the palm of my hand, none on my finger at all. It happens at different times of the month, so I know it’s not my period. I’ve had sex five or six times and don’t bleed then, so why is fingering making me bleed?
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
Painless bleeding after fingering like this is worth a quick look from a doctor or nurse – not because it’s usually anything serious (it generally isn’t), but because the one thing you can’t do is see the source yourself, and a clinician can spot it in about two minutes. That’s the bit that solves the mystery.
Your ‘blood on the palm, none on the finger’ detail is a useful clue, because it suggests the source is on the outside, where your palm presses, rather than up inside. A few harmless things bleed exactly like this. Small fragile spots on the vulva, including tiny red blood-blister-type marks called angiokeratomas, are common and completely benign but will bleed a little when rubbed. So can a small skin tag or polyp. And a friable patch on the cervix called cervical ectropion bleeds easily on contact too – very common, very harmless, and often hormonal.1
That would also explain why fingering does it and sex doesn’t. A spot like this gets pressed and rubbed by your palm in a particular way, and the little bit of blood is far more obvious on a clean hand than it would be during sex, where it just gets lost in the mix. There’s a fuller rundown in my guide to pain and bleeding after fingering.
If you’d like to help the doctor, you can gently note roughly where it seems to come from next time – our guide to getting to know your vulva has a diagram you can use to pinpoint the area. But you don’t need to turn yourself into a detective; a clinician will find it quickly, and if it’s a little polyp or angiokeratoma that bothers you, those are easy to remove.
Go a bit sooner if anything changes – the bleeding gets heavier, you start bleeding after sex as well, it becomes painful, you notice an unusual discharge, or you get bleeding between periods that has nothing to do with touching. Those are worth flagging promptly. In the meantime, lighter pressure, short smooth nails and a bit of lube will keep any fragile spot from being aggravated. If you’d like to talk it through, you’re welcome to book an appointment with us.
Try not to worry – it’s almost certainly something small and fixable. Getting it looked at just turns the mystery into an answer.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
- Casey PM, Long ME, Marnach ML. Abnormal cervical appearance: what to do, when to worry? Mayo Clinic Proceedings. 2011;86(2):147–151.
