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Hi Aunt Vadge,
I’ve been worried about my vaginal opening (don’t worry, I’m going to see a doctor – I just really need some reassurance). I’ve looked at so many diagrams, and my vaginal opening doesn’t seem to look like any of them. Mine has this weird little ‘bud’?
At the front I can’t put anything in at all – it’s extremely painful even with lube – and I can’t even see the opening. I only know there’s one there because that’s where my period blood comes from. I’ve never had sex or used anything.
I also have period problems where my period never seems to end, and I always get UTIs, with a stinging vagina around my period. I don’t feel normal compared to other girls, and I’ve even wondered about an intersex condition. What should I do, who should I tell, and will a doctor need to examine me?
Yours,
Sylvan
Queensland, Australia
Hello Sylvan,
First, the big reassurance: from what you describe, there’s a very good chance everything is normal and fixable – and you’ve done a brave, sensible thing by asking and planning to see a doctor. (Yes, I always reply.) Your vulva is as individual as your face. Diagrams show one ‘tidy’ version, but real vulvas vary enormously, so not matching a textbook picture is completely normal and not a sign anything is wrong.
The bit I most want to reassure you on is the ‘I can’t put anything in, but my period comes out’ part, because there’s a simple, common explanation.
The opening can be partly covered by a hymen that has only a small gap – big enough to let period blood out, but too small (and too tender) to fit anything in – and some people also have a small band of extra tissue across the opening.
These are normal anatomical variations, not your fault, and usually straightforward for a doctor to identify and, if needed, gently help with, which fits exactly what you’re describing.
The pain on trying to insert anything could be that, or it could involve the pelvic-floor muscles tightening protectively (vaginismus) or sensitive tissue (vulvodynia), all of which are recognised and treatable. And the ‘bud’ is most likely a normal part of your anatomy or a harmless skin bump.
On the intersex question, it’s natural to wonder, but it’s not something to diagnose from diagrams at home – it’s just one of several things a doctor can check and explain calmly.
One thing does need attention soon, though: periods that never seem to end, plus frequent UTIs, really do need a doctor’s help – not as a scare, but because ongoing bleeding can wear you down (and your iron levels), and recurrent infections deserve proper treatment, so please make sure these go on your list.
As for your plan: tell a trusted adult – a parent, guardian or school nurse – who can help you book the appointment and come with you; see a GP or gynaecologist, writing your symptoms and questions down first so nothing’s forgotten; and know that the exam is usually just a look at the vulva, with an internal exam only done if truly needed and only with your agreement – you can always say no, or ‘not today’, and ask them to explain everything before they do it.
You are entitled to understand and consent to everything that happens; no one should do anything that makes you uncomfortable, because it’s your body and your call. You are normal, and you are not alone in this – a doctor will help it all make sense, and most of what you’re describing has a kind, simple answer.
All my best,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
