Aunt Vadge: are there women who don’t like vaginal sex?

Dear Aunt Vadge, 

Are there women who don’t enjoy vaginal sex? Like it doesn’t give them orgasms. They can totally not have any vaginal sex and be just fine with oral and fingering? Is that normal?

Age: 39
Country: USA

Dear Unpenetrated,

Some women do not enjoy vaginal sex, and they can be just fine with oral and fingering. Everybody is a bit different, and therefore responds to sexual stimulation in a different way. Add to that our mental and emotional preferences, and you have a unique sexual snowflake on your hands.

While a lot of people love penetrative sex, a lot of women don’t orgasm this way exclusively, and may have a distinct preference for oral sex or fingers or toys or whatever gets them off. You’d be surprised at how many women I know who are just like this and very happy with it. They work with their partners so everyone gets what they want, and everyone is happy and satisfied.

It’s a negotiation with your partner – you get each other off however you both like it, as best you can. Whatever gets you off is the ‘normal’ way to do it, so explore, try things out, and whatever takes your fancy, go for it.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge


Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.