Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Hello Aunt Vadge,
My vagina keeps getting dry when my boyfriend fingers me. I’m not sure whether to call it fingering or not, because all he does is massage my vagina until I reach orgasm. No penetration. I’m still a virgin.
When we started off, this was one of our normal activities. Since we’ve never had sex, that was our limit – oral and semi-fingering. But lately I’ve noticed that I get turned on, then halfway through I get really dry, so dry that it starts to hurt and he has to stop. When it happened a third time, I did some research and came across your site.
I read your reply to a similar question but still wasn’t satisfied, so I decided to send mine, because the difference is that I’ve never been penetrated. The first time, I thought it was because my period had just finished. The second time I thought it was because I hadn’t reached my horny time of the month. Then I thought it was the antibiotics I’d taken.
And now I just don’t know. He felt pretty bad after I made him cum and he couldn’t do the equivalent for me. Is something wrong with me? Have I had too much of it already, so my body needs something more? Or has he just lost his touch? Please, I need your reply asap!!!
Sincerely,
Mysteriously Dry
Country: Nigeria
Dear Mysteriously Dry,
Here are some ideas about what could be happening – but first, a quick explanation of how your juicy vagina works.
Normal vaginal moisture versus excess moisture
Your vagina is naturally moist, with discharge of varying quality and quantity across your cycle. Discharge is usually more about your hormones than anything happening in the vagina itself.
You already seem aware of your ‘horny time of the month’, which is most likely when you’re ovulating. It’s worth getting a period tracker to monitor this – once you do start having sex, it’s really useful for knowing when you’re most fertile (and horny), and when your period is due.
Some women have extra-juicy vaginas, and it isn’t always a good thing (sometimes lactose intolerance or another hormonal reason is behind it). Normal vaginal fluid is one of the main things that makes you feel wet.
The Bartholin‘s glands – your natural sex lube
When you’re sexually aroused, your Bartholin’s glands produce the moisture that makes you feel ‘wet’. They sit just to the side of the vaginal entrance, and their little ducts release a slippery fluid that makes sex (or whatever) easier and smoother.
If one of these glands gets blocked, which does happen, a small cyst can form. You’d probably be able to feel it once it got big enough.
Bartholin’s duct cysts aren’t dangerous and are quite common – they can even come and go without you noticing. They’re a bit like a pimple, in that the blockage needs to clear and drain, but that’s a job for a doctor, not something to tackle yourself.
Questions worth asking yourself
- Think about how and where your boyfriend touches you, and see if you can work out where the change has come from – your vagina or your Bartholin’s glands.
- Do you normally have a lot of discharge in your underwear? That could be a clue.
- What has changed between now and when you used to get wetter during stimulation?
- Have you changed your diet?
- Started or stopped exercising?
- Started or stopped any medication?
- Been really stressed, or really relaxed?
- How long has it been going on – weeks, or months?
Hormones and your activities
What we do changes the levels of hormones in our blood and tissues. Exercise, for example, is known to lower oestrogen, and certain diets like the liver-cleansing diet can do the same.
If you drink, eat a poor diet, or live somewhere very polluted, your liver may not clear oestrogens (and other normal metabolites) quite fast enough, so they build up a little. That’s normal and not necessarily a problem, but it does shift your hormone levels, because the liver processes your hormones along with everything else.
All vaginal tissue relies heavily on oestrogen, and androgens matter too, especially for arousal. So it’s possible your body is actually in better, more ‘normal’ shape than before – perhaps your vagina was simply extra juicy previously with more hormones around, and has now settled to where it should be, which can read as a bit drier.
What to do next
First, make a list of everything that has changed compared to when your vagina was very wet. Be thorough – new supplements, different foods, a new person in your life, a change of school, stress at home, a new diet, starting the gym, a sudden fixation on a certain food. It’s all up for hormonal grabs, and it might be a few things at once.
Next, just to reassure yourself, you can gently feel around the Bartholin’s area. Everything should feel soft and pliable, with no little pea-like lumps. Rub your labial flesh gently between thumb and forefinger, especially around the area shown in the diagram.
If you do find a firm, pea-like lump, please don’t try to squeeze or drain it yourself – that can turn a harmless blocked gland into an infected abscess. Make an appointment with a doctor to have it checked instead. Have a read of the Bartholin’s gland cysts article so you know what you’re feeling for.
Then, mostly, wait and see. Your body changes all the time, and sometimes it doesn’t go back exactly as it was – and that isn’t a bad thing. It’s just your body growing into itself and adjusting as it sees fit. Trust it, unless you get other symptoms that seem strange.
Lube yourself up in the meantime
Get yourself some good-quality silicone lubricant. It’s my favourite – it costs more than water-based lube, but it feels far nicer and lasts much longer, all silky and smooth. Use it when your boyfriend touches you, and I think you’ll find it just as lovely as your own lubrication.
It’s worth having on hand anyway. Your vagina won’t always do exactly what you want, and once you start using condoms you’ll want lube regardless, because condoms can really dry you out.
There probably isn’t anything wrong with you
I know it feels like something is going wrong, but as I’ve explained, that really may not be the case. Do a bit of investigating and see what you can find. Before we worry about the more serious end of things, we look at the most likely causes first.
To directly address your concerns
Is something wrong with me?
Probably not. It seems very unlikely, especially with no other symptoms like pain or unusual discharge.
Have I had too much of it already, so my body needs something more?
No – that isn’t how it works. You have, in theory, unlimited sexiness and horniness in you.
Or has he just lost his touch?
Really unlikely. The more time you spend getting to know someone’s body, the better you get at it – you don’t lose the knack, especially for making someone come just by massaging their vulva. Lovely work.
This is not your boyfriend’s fault at all. He sounds like a great person to start your sexual journey with – he gets you off, and he cares when he can’t.
If you’d like, write back and tell me what you find, and we can talk it through some more. If it drags on or you’d like a proper look at what’s going on with your hormones, you’re always welcome to book an appointment with us.
Write any time.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
