Hi Aunt Vadge,
Just to put it out there, I am a virgin. My partner recently fingered me and he was pretty rough, it even lasted to the point I wasn’t wet anymore which is when I told him to stop. However, now I’m concerned about the bleeding. It happened almost 3 days ago and I’m still experiencing light faint red bleeding. Is it normal?
We even tried to have sex but I wouldn’t open up enough to let him “in” and I stopped him. Also heard that someone could get pregnant from precum and I know I should ask him. But I just hope nothing is wrong with me. I stressed myself out so much, which is why I’m still a virgin at the age that I am.
Sincerely,
Curious K
Age 22, USA
_____
Dear Curious K,
First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin! You don’t have to excuse yourself from that. If you aren’t ready for sex for any reason, that’s perfectly ok. You don’t have to be. There are no rules.
Your boyfriend’s overzealous fingering seems to have damaged you. You both should read these three articles: fingering basics for men, sex 101, and how to perform oral sex on a woman. They are long, but you both need to learn what to do and how to do it without causing damage, while maximising pleasure.
Minor vaginal cuts and tears can be encouraged to heal well with a moisturising vulva and vagina-friendly cuts cream.
It’s not normal to bleed after fingering – if you are bleeding after any sexual experience, you are doing it all wrong! Sex is supposed to be fun and feel good. You are right to stop the activity if it hurts or isn’t working for you, just as your boyfriend should do the same. Read our article on healing vaginal and vulvar cuts and tears if you get stuck.
Yes, it’s possible to get pregnant from pre-cum, so read this article to learn more about it. Pre-cum is fertile in some men, but not all. It is impossible for you to tell who has fertile pre-cum, so you must always protect yourself by using condoms at all times if you don’t want to get pregnant. The last thing you want after having sex for the first time is to get pregnant or catch an STI!
Learn how to use condoms. Watch YouTube videos, practice on your boyfriend, always always always use lube (silicone-based lube is my personal favourite), and get it into your head that safe sex is good sex. It’s really important. Freaking out about getting pregnant is not what needs to be happening.
Find condoms that you like – thinner is usually better as it increases sensation for both of you, but find a brand you like, and get practising. Don’t just get the cheapest, as they are usually not the best.
Also, get a period tracker app on your phone or computer, and start learning about your cycle and when you are fertile – there is a window of time in the middle of your cycle where you ovulate, and this is about five or so days when you can get pregnant.
Know when this is, and under no circumstances let a naked penis near your vagina without a condom on it. You will find out when your periods are due and when you ovulate, which is great information to know.
If you need anything else or have any further questions, please write back anytime. We’d love to hear from you.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
References1
- 1.Killick SR, Leary C, Trussell J, Guthrie KA. Sperm content of pre-ejaculatory fluid. Human Fertility. Published online December 15, 2010:48-52. doi:10.3109/14647273.2010.520798
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