Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Dear Aunt Vadge,
I had my daughter almost four years ago and I still haven’t fully recovered. The doctor gave me an episiotomy and, I think, stitched me up wrong. At the time I assumed the pain was normal – I’d just had a baby. But as I healed I noticed it hadn’t been repaired quite right. There’s a little crater where the stitching was. Worse, it seems he added a few extra stitches, and now I re-tear every time I have sex – the stitched skin and inside me too. When I raised it with the gynaecologist, he brushed me off, but it’s wrecking my sex life. I now get anxiety about sex and never want to do it, and my husband hates me for it. I don’t think I’d have such an issue if the skin there were flexible and didn’t rip. But here I am, with that supposed ‘extra stitch’ – let me tell you, it is not a great thing. I always end up in excruciating pain.
Sincerely,
Unstitched, age 25, Canada
Hi there Unstitched,
Thanks for writing, and I’m so sorry. What happened to you is real, it’s not in your head, and being dismissed on top of it is infuriating. None of this is your fault, and it’s fixable – but you’ll need the right person to look at it.
This is a genuine repair problem, not a you problem
A repair that leaves scarred, inflexible skin that tears with sex is a known complication, and it has a name and a fix: a scar assessment and, often, a surgical revision by someone who does this well. Every time you tear you lay down more scar tissue, which means less give and less sensation – so the priority is to stop the tearing while you get it sorted.
Practically, that means no penetrative sex until this is properly assessed. I know you’re not really having it anyway, but even trying is re-damaging you and making the eventual repair harder.
Who to see
You need someone who takes you seriously – and you’re allowed to fire the ones who don’t. In Canada you can ask your GP for a referral to a different gynaecologist, ideally one with an interest in perineal or postpartum repair, and get your notes sent over. Two kinds of help are worth asking about specifically:
- A gynaecologist or urogynaecologist to assess the scar and whether a revision would help
- A pelvic floor physiotherapist, who is brilliant for painful sex and scar tissue after birth, and can help enormously alongside any repair
Don’t accept ‘that’s just how it is’. Keep asking until someone actually examines the scar and talks you through options. Gently keeping the scar tissue supple with a plain oil or a cuts cream can make day-to-day life more comfortable, but it won’t fix a bad repair – that needs the specialist.
And about home
You’ve been in pain for four years and dismissed by the people meant to help – you don’t also need to carry blame at home. Your husband has hands, patience and the same responsibility you do to be kind while you get this fixed. This is a medical injury, not a failing of yours, and you deserve support while you sort it out.
Please go and get the referral. Write back and tell me how you go.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice. Painful tearing after a birth injury should be assessed in person by a gynaecologist or pelvic floor physiotherapist.
