Was It Rape? Understanding Sexual Assault

Author: Aunt Vadge
Qualified Naturopath | BHSc(N)

Last reviewed: July 7, 2026

Hi Aunt Vadge,

I was just reading about being raped. Last Saturday I was hanging out with a man who did not let me leave his apartment until I allowed him to dry hump me. I thank God there was no penetration, but I’m curious – did I get raped?

Yours,
Unsure
United States

Dear Unsure,

I’m sorry this happened to you – and I want to be clear and gentle at once: being kept somewhere and not allowed to leave until you ‘allowed’ him to do something sexual to you is not consent. Consent given because you couldn’t get away isn’t consent at all; it’s coercion.

So yes, what you’re describing is sexual assault. The word ‘rape’ has a narrow legal meaning that involves penetration, which is why you’re right that it may not be that – but sexual assault is the broader term for unwanted sexual contact forced or coerced onto you, and being trapped and pressured into dry humping falls squarely within it.

None of it was your fault, and the relief you feel that it didn’t go further doesn’t make what did happen okay.

What you do from here is entirely your choice, on your own timeline. You can report it to the police if and when you want to, and you don’t have to decide that now.

Whatever you choose, please don’t carry this alone – talk to someone you trust, and consider reaching out to a trained advocate who can talk it through and lay out your options without any pressure. In the US, the free, confidential National Sexual Assault Hotline is 800.656.HOPE (4673), and RAINN can connect you with support and help in your area.

It can also help to speak with a counsellor, because being trapped and coerced like that is frightening and can leave a mark even when there’s no physical injury, and you deserve support with that. You did nothing wrong here – he did.

Please be gentle with yourself, and lean on your people.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

This is general information and support, not legal or medical advice. If you’re ever in immediate danger, contact your local emergency number.