Aunt Vadge: my girlfriend’s vagina is dry and bleeds after fingering – what’s going on?

Hi Aunt Vadge, 

My girlfriend has intermittent bleeding after fingering done by me. She has a moderate pain too. When I was fingering, her vagina was dry. Is it problematic or common? Should we consult to a sexologist?

Sincerely,
Fingerer

Fingerer, hi.

You should never, ever finger your girlfriend’s vagina if it’s dry – it means she is not aroused, and you need to work on that BEFORE you put anything inside her vagina. No more painful fingering! If you are touching a vagina, it must must must be with something wet, or it must be making its own wetness. Dryness is the enemy of good sex and fingering.

Turning her on is a matter of discussion between you and your girlfriend – she needs to help you there – but things many women like include sensual, soft kissing, very gentle oral sex, and lots of touching. Not painful fingering. Imagine someone fingering your anus and then wondering why it bleeds and hurts, then consider that this is how you are making your girlfriend feel. She may feel too shy to say to stop, or not know that fingering is supposed to always feel great, not painful and certainly no bleeding.

You should read all the articles we have – Sex 101How to perform oral sex on a woman, and Fingering Basics for Men.

Let us know if you have any more questions – we are happy to help.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge