Is this what sex is supposed to feel like?

Author: Aunt Vadge
Qualified Naturopath | BHSc(N)

Last reviewed: July 7, 2026

Hi Aunt Vadge,

I had sex for the first time, protected and all. At first it was hard to get the penis in – I felt pressure and pain, like there was a wall and something was trying too hard to break through it. I wasn’t sure that was normal, but it finally went in and was sort of pleasing. Then at some point I felt pressure again, like against my colon or even my ovaries.

We did it again later, and it was about as hard to get in as the first time. This time the pressure against my organs felt higher, and I started to feel sore at the opening of my vagina, so we stopped.

We later found I’d sort of torn – at least that’s what I think happened. It’s a little cut, not very deep. It doesn’t burn when I pee, but it feels like raw skin and stings a bit if I open my legs too wide or when I sit, like a cut. Should I go to the doctor, or just treat it like a normal cut – keep it clean, avoid rubbing it, and so on?

My other questions are:

What kind of pain or feeling should you expect the first time?
After how many times should it stop being difficult to get it in?
Is it normal to feel pressure against your organs at first?
Is it normal to tear?

Yours,
Confused

Dear Confused,

Welcome to sex! What you describe sounds very normal. It’s a strange thing to have someone else’s body part inside yours, so feeling the penis pressing against your organs and insides is completely expected – that really is what’s happening, and it isn’t hurting them.

Your first few sexual encounters usually aren’t that great, because nobody knows what to expect yet. You’re both learning what feels good, and that’s unique to the two of you, so it takes a little time.

A big part of that is learning how your vagina opens up so a penis doesn’t hurt going in – which comes down to arousal. When you’re really turned on, your vagina lubricates and becomes receptive. If it’s feeling tight and painful, that’s the signal to stop having sex and go back to the things that turn you on.

Read how to have sex 101 together so you’re both on the same page. Getting properly turned on before penetration is the key to enjoying it. Less rushing to sex, more fooling around first.

You wouldn’t expect your boyfriend to be ready with a soft penis, and the same goes for you – you’re not ready until your vagina says so, by being wet, plump with blood, and with your clitoris erect. Yes, your clitoris gets erect too, and you’ll know when it happens.

Sex wounds

Sex grazes are very common, and yours sounds pretty standard – you’ll be fine, and you’re right: keep it clean, avoid irritating it, and it should heal in a few days. In future, use lube with condoms, since condoms can make the vagina raw and dry quickly (which can also make a condom break from friction), and always stop if it hurts.

If you do get a graze, just wait until it’s healed before having sex again. It’s far better to pause and do something else than to push through and damage delicate skin. Minor cuts and tears can be helped along with a vulva- and vagina-friendly cuts cream.

First-time sex

How the first time feels is pretty much exactly what you felt: a bit weird, a bit sore, with that sense of your organs being pressed on. Sometimes there’s a little bleeding from a graze or the hymen stretching.

When it stops hurting

The moment you learn how to turn your body on – making your vagina wet, plump and ready – is usually the moment sex stops being painful. Read up on cunnilingus and fingering, and spend plenty of time making out first.

Pressure on your organs

You can always feel that pressure if you focus on it, but once you’re aroused you won’t even be thinking about it. It varies through your cycle too: just after your period, when your cervix sits low and firm, you might feel the penis bumping it, which can be uncomfortable. Around ovulation the cervix is higher, softer and more open, so more positions and deeper penetration feel comfortable.

A full bladder or bowel (or trapped gas from an upset stomach) can also make sex feel more uncomfortable, since everything gets a bit squished.

Is tearing normal?

It’s not ‘normal’ exactly, but it is very common, and no harm will come to you. The goal is to avoid it by making sure your vagina is ready – aroused, lubricated and relaxed – before penetration.

It would be a rare woman who’s never had a slightly sore session – the vulva and vagina are delicate, and funnily enough something can feel great at the time and still leave you a bit tender afterwards. You’re the best judge of what feels okay and what doesn’t.

A small graze like yours isn’t dangerous. Do see a doctor if the tearing is significant, there’s dangling skin, heavy bleeding, or it isn’t healing as you’d expect.

Write any time!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.