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Hey Aunt Vadge,
Almost a week ago, my boyfriend and I were fooling around and there was accidental penetration I was not expecting, which hurt a lot. Afterwards I was bleeding, so I got upset. We stopped, and he was very kind about it.
The next day I took a look with a mirror and could see the remnants of my hymen had two small tears on the sides. I have been taking warm baths and sitting quietly, and iced it a little. One tear seems to have healed, but the other looks a bit purple and is still open. I have also had some mild discharge that is sticky and a light grey.
I was a virgin before this and I am okay with what happened, but my boyfriend feels bad. I just want to know: is this normal? Will it heal? How do I know if I need stitches?
Sincerely,
Cracked
Dear Cracked,
First, you handled this calmly and sensibly, and it is good you feel okay in yourself. A little bleeding and a couple of small tears where the hymen gets stretched is a common thing, and genital skin usually heals quickly and well on its own.
That said, two things in your message mean I would like you to get this looked at by a healthcare professional rather than only sorting it at home: one tear is still open and purple almost a week later, and you have a new grey discharge. Most likely both are minor and settling, but a nurse or doctor can check whether the tear needs any help and whether the discharge is anything or nothing – and that is well worth doing, and nothing to lie awake worrying over.
I know seeing someone feels like a big step, especially at your age. Please try to talk to a trusted adult who can help you get seen – that might be a parent, an older relative, a school nurse or a counsellor. In many places there are youth or sexual health services that young people can go to confidentially, so it is worth asking what is available where you live. You do not have to manage this entirely alone, and there is nothing here to be ashamed of.
While you are arranging that, gentle wound care is fine: wash once a day with just warm water, no soap, pat dry softly, wear loose cotton underwear, and leave the area alone so it can knit back together. If the tear starts bleeding a lot, becomes very painful, or the area gets hot, swollen or the discharge changes or smells, treat that as a reason to be seen sooner.
On the hymen itself, so you understand your own body: the hymen is a thin rim of tissue around the vaginal opening, and it varies enormously from person to person. Some people barely notice it stretching, others get some pain and bleeding like you did, and many keep small tags of tissue around the opening for life, which is completely normal. There is a clear, friendly explainer in our guide to the hymen, and Vag Basics walks through the anatomy if you would like to learn more.
Be gentle with yourself and give it time. Get it checked for peace of mind, and write back anytime.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information and support, not a substitute for being seen by a healthcare professional. If you are a young person, a trusted adult or a youth or sexual health service is the best place for personal questions.
