Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Dear Aunt Vadge,
I have a small tear in my hymen from horseback riding, and now my hymen opening looks a lot bigger than it used to. Is this normal? Do most hymens have tears around them even if the person hasn’t had sex yet?
I’m waiting to have sex until I’m married, but I’m afraid the man I marry won’t believe I’m a virgin even though I am.
I also have small bumps and uneven skin around my urethra. I haven’t had sex and it doesn’t hurt to pee, but all the photos I’ve looked at make hymens and urethras look smooth and even. Is it normal for them not to be?
Yours,
Rider
Dear Rider,
Short answer to both questions: yes, completely normal.
The bumps around your urethra
The vulva is full of tiny glands and ducts, and the skin around the urethra and hymen is bumpy and uneven for most people. The smooth, symmetrical versions you see in photos are the exception, not the rule. Small pale bumps are often Fordyce spots, which are just normal oil glands – have a look at the pictures and see if they match. As long as they’re not sore, itchy or changing, they’re almost certainly nothing. If you’d like the reassurance, a doctor or sexual health clinic can confirm it in seconds.
Your hymen, and the virginity worry
The hymen just isn’t the reliable marker of virginity people assume it is. It’s a thin, stretchy rim of tissue that varies hugely from person to person, and it commonly stretches or tears from everyday things – horse riding, cycling, tampons, sport, masturbation – none of which involve a penis. So a bigger opening after riding is completely normal and expected.
Here’s the part that matters most: you cannot tell whether someone has had sex by looking at their hymen. There’s no reliable mark, and no examination can prove or disprove virginity. This is well established – the World Health Organization and the UN have called for ‘virginity testing’ to end precisely because it has no scientific basis and causes real harm. Your body is not evidence of anything.
So if you marry someone who trusts and respects you, your word is the whole story, and it should be. And if you’re somewhere that practises virginity checking before marriage, I’d rather be straight with you than flippant: that’s a hard and unfair situation, because the test itself can’t show what it claims to. You’re not alone in it, and it’s worth quietly finding people or services you trust to talk it through.
For what it’s worth, most women couldn’t describe their own hymen if you asked them. You clearly pay close attention to your body, and that’s a good thing to carry with you through life.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information and not a substitute for personalised medical advice. If any bump becomes sore, itchy or changes, see a doctor or nurse who can check it in person.
