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Hi Aunt Vadge,
I recently had sex with my boyfriend. It felt like my vagina ripped open because I wasn’t wet enough. Then I had sex with him again before it had healed, and now it’s really bad. It burns so badly when I pee, there are scab-like things between my vagina and my bum, it’s itchy, very red and swollen. Please help!
Yours,
Ripped
Hi there Ripped,
You’ve really hurt yourself there, and having sex again before it healed set it back – but this is fixable, it just needs a proper look and a rest.
The most useful thing first: get it seen. The scab-like spots on your perineum (the area between your vagina and anus), plus the redness, swelling and burning, could be the tearing healing over, or it could be an infection that’s set in – and one thing worth ruling out is genital herpes, which can look similar. The only way to tell them apart is a swab, so please book in with your GP or a sexual health clinic soon. They’re used to exactly this, it’s confidential, and in many places free. Don’t panic before you know – a lot of this looks like a straightforward friction injury – but do get it checked rather than guess.
While you wait to be seen, leave it completely alone to heal:
- no sex and no touching – and keep your boyfriend away from it until you know what’s going on
- wash with warm water only, very gently, no soap
- a little plain vegetable oil or a soothing cuts cream keeps the skin supple so it doesn’t catch and re-tear
- if peeing burns, pour warm water over yourself as you go, or wee in the shower, to take the sting out
- wipe very gently after a bowel motion, front to back, without dragging the sore skin
Go sooner rather than later, and treat it as urgent, if the swelling spreads, you develop a fever, you can’t pee at all, or the pain becomes severe.
Once you’re fully healed, the one thing to change is this: never let anything go inside you until you’re properly turned on and wet, with plenty of lube if you need it. Dryness is exactly what caused the first tear, and going again before it healed made it worse. Your boyfriend can’t feel what you feel, so the fix is telling him – ‘slow down’, ‘more lube’, ‘that hurts, stop’ – and knowing you can pause or stop at any point. A partner who likes you wants to hear it. Our how to have sex 101 guide is a gentle way in if talking about it feels awkward.
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
Rest it up, get it checked, and write anytime.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
