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Hi Aunt Vadge,
I’ve only ever had sex with one person, my fiancé, and we have sex most nights. Three days ago my vagina started hurting during sex and it kept getting worse, so I had a look with my fiancé’s help. I could see a couple of small cuts that looked like they came from the skin stretching too far, plus about three flesh-coloured sores.
Since then it’s got much worse. I could barely sleep for the pain, and walking, sitting and even moving all hurt. My labia and pubic mound swelled up dramatically. A baking soda bath took the edge off a little, but the sores are still there, and now I’m so swollen it feels almost shut.
I went to my doctor, but she isn’t sure what it is. She’s put me on an antiviral in case it’s herpes, and an antibacterial as well. If you have any idea what this could be, please help.
Yours,
Swollen and Sore
USA, age 20
Dear Swollen and Sore,
That sounds really painful, and you’ve done the right thing getting seen. The single most useful step now is a firm diagnosis while the sores are still visible, because the cause is what decides the treatment – and no home remedy can tell you which cause it is.
You’re already on an antiviral and an antibacterial, which covers some bases. If it isn’t settling, ask to be swabbed while the sores are present. A sexual-health clinic or a gynaecologist who sees this all the time can take samples that are far more useful before the lesions heal over, and a second opinion is completely reasonable when the first doctor isn’t sure.
In our clinic, when we see patients with really reactive vulval skin, the first task is always to work out why. Sometimes that means going to a doctor for a diagnosis first; once that’s settled, we look at what your body is reacting to and why it’s flaring, and see what we can safely do to calm the tissue down without aggravating it further.
Without examining you, a few things can cause sores and swelling like this, and this list isn’t exhaustive:
- An allergic or irritant reaction to something touching the area – soap, laundry detergent, a new lube or condom – or a semen allergy – which can cause marked swelling and irritation
- Genital herpes – and before any hard conclusions about your fiancé, this virus very commonly lies dormant for years, so a long-term partner can carry it without ever knowing
- Another infection – which is exactly why a swab taken while the sores are still visible is so useful
To make the appointment count, write down a timeline of the past week or two: sex, lubricants, condoms, toys, anything new touching the area, changes to detergent, clothing or diet, and any flu-like symptoms (fever, chills, headache) that might point to a virus. Our memories are unreliable, so a written timeline really helps.
While you wait, you can keep yourself more comfortable with over-the-counter pain relief (note what you take and the dose, and don’t try anything new to you), and an oat bath or a wrapped ice pack for short-term relief. Because swelling this dramatic often has an allergic component, it’s worth asking your doctor whether an antihistamine might help bring it down.
One thing to take seriously: if you get so swollen that you can’t wee, or you develop a fever or spreading redness, treat that as urgent and get back in, or to urgent care, the same day.
Try not to reach for anything to shrink the sores before you’ve been diagnosed, because it can mask the picture. Once you know the cause, we can absolutely help you calm and heal the tissue from there.
And try not to panic. This is an extreme reaction to something, whether a virus, an allergy or something else, and like a bad sprain it flares, then calms and heals. You will get back to normal.
Write anytime if you want moral support, or once you have a diagnosis and want more help.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
