Aunt Vadge: why am I bleeding when my boyfriend fingers me?

Hi Aunt Vadge, 

I’m new to all this sorta sexual stuff so here is goes…

My boyfriend has fingered me three times now.

  1. 1st time was fine although I was sore after.
  2. 2nd time I bled after, but I was due on my period so I guessed it was that. 
  3. 3rd time was last night, of which I felt some pain, and within a few minutes I began bleeding – looser, newer blood than period blood. It stopped rather quick so I assumed either I had some spotting (I finished my last cycle three days prior), or was it my hymen (not sure on the correct term) had split?

What I’m trying to ask is, how can I stop bleeding when he’s fingering me? Why am I bleeding? He is a little rough, but has become less and less rough each time we do this. I guess we’re both new to this. I’m still a virgin, and I’ve never used tampons. The first time he fingered me was the first time anything had been up there. I’m 16 years old.

Thank you 
Concerned bleeder
U.K. Age: 16

Hi there Bleeder,

Thanks for your email. It sounds like it is probably your hymen causing the bleeding, since your vagina is new to everything, your hymen is probably still hanging around.

Read our article on the hymen, and at the bottom you’ll see hymen-stretching exercises that you can do to stop the bleeding in future. It will eventually stop, but you have to sort of stretch the hymen out at some point. You might as well do this yourself gently than have it bleeding spontaneously when your boyfriend fingers you!

I would also recommend getting to know your vagina by looking at it in a mirror, and having a poke around with your own fingers – pull and rub your labia, see how far you can put your fingers inside yourself, see how many feels ok, touch your clitoris and see where it is, and generally have a fiddle. Do this often.

It is less masturbating than getting to know your own body – essential for all humans, particularly women where part of our body is hidden inside of us. You really do need to know what’s inside, and how it all feels, and once you know this, you can help direct your boyfriend a bit. You can also experiment together.

Read our article on fingering basics together so you know what to expect and how to get the most out of your sexplorations.

Write back anytime if you get lost.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.