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Hi Aunt Vadge,
I’m new to all this sort of sexual stuff, so here it goes… my boyfriend has fingered me three times now.
- 1st time was fine, although I was sore after.
- 2nd time I bled after, but I was due on my period so I guessed it was that.
- 3rd time was last night. I felt some pain, and within a few minutes I began bleeding – looser, newer blood than period blood. It stopped rather quickly, so I assumed either it was spotting (I finished my last cycle three days before), or that my hymen had split.
What I’m trying to ask is: how can I stop bleeding when he’s fingering me, and why is it happening? He is a little rough, but has become less rough each time. We’re both new to this. I’m still a virgin, I’ve never used tampons, and the first time he fingered me was the first time anything had been up there.
Thank you,
Concerned Bleeder
U.K.
Hi there Bleeder,
Bleeding after fingering when you’re new to it is really common, and it usually settles as your body gets used to things. What’s most likely going on is a mix of two things: your hymen getting used to being touched, and small grazes from friction when you’re not quite wet or relaxed enough – especially as you’ve said he’s been a little rough.
The hymen isn’t a seal that ‘breaks’. It’s a stretchy rim of tissue just inside the entrance that softens and stretches with time and gentle use. Our article on the hymen walks you through it, and for almost everyone it quietly settles down.
The thing that will stop the bleeding fastest is slowing right down. Make sure you’re properly turned on before anything goes in, use a good lube, and ask him to be gentle and build up slowly – rushing while you’re still dry is what causes the soreness and the little splits. Reading fingering basics together is a lovely way to get you both on the same page.
It’s also well worth getting to know your own body – have a look with a mirror, feel where everything is, and get comfortable with what feels good and what doesn’t. That’s less about masturbating and more about knowing your own anatomy, so much of which is tucked away out of sight. Once you know your way around, you can guide him far better and enjoy yourself a lot more.
A small amount of bleeding that stops quickly isn’t something to worry about. Do see a doctor, though, if the bleeding is heavy, won’t stop, comes with a lot of pain, or keeps happening once you’re more experienced and taking it slowly – just to rule anything else out.
Write back anytime if you get lost.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
