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Good greetings Aunt Vadge,
Why is it that I start fingering my lover and she gets really wet, then after a few minutes we stop, and when we get back to it, it seems so dry? We then try sex, but it’s too dry. It seems her vagina isn’t excited anymore after fingering, but she still feels horny. I had this before, a long time ago: sex, then after five minutes we came back for round two, but it was too dry. Why is that?
Yours sincerely,
Dry
Age 20, Singapore
Dear Dry,
The moisture level of a vagina doesn’t necessarily equate to how turned on it is. Being wet is a sign of a turned-on vagina, but it’s not the only sign, and some women are naturally wetter than others.
You’ll learn the nature of your lover’s vagina after you’ve been together a few times, getting used to her patterns of wetness, horniness and orgasms. It’s very easy to make a vagina dry, but that doesn’t mean the lady in question isn’t having a good time, nor that she isn’t horny.
That said, do consider whether you’re doing something that’s turning her off and drying her out. That’s a conversation to have with her – but talk when you’re not having sex, so she can speak more openly. (It can be hard to say ‘I don’t really like what you’re doing’ when someone’s doing it with great enthusiasm.)
The glands that produce lubrication for the vagina (the Bartholin’s glands) sit just next to the vaginal opening, and they’re activated by sexual desire – even a sexual thought. As the glands are activated and produce lubrication, it can take a while for that fluid to reach the outside of the body. A woman can be turned on but not wet – it doesn’t always happen at the same time.
While there’s some moisture naturally present inside the vagina, it can be quickly wicked away by a penis, which is usually dry when it enters. Fingers are dry too, and they soak up the fluids. As you thrust things in and out of the vagina, air gets on the penis or fingers and dries the fluids further. The vagina isn’t a soaking-wet machine that stays wet no matter what – if you use up all the fluid, it can take a while to replace. It’s not magic.
This is where lube comes in. Buy some good-quality silicone lubricant and keep it handy for your sex sessions. It’ll come in useful when the natural moisture is used up, and lets you both enjoy a wet-feeling vagina without the pressure of your lover always producing her own on demand.
When sex is short and done in one go (not stopping and starting), it’s usually easier to stay wet, since that first squirt of natural lubrication is often enough to keep the whole thing smooth. Condoms are also very drying, and need lube to prevent breakages. When sex is long, drawn-out, with many changes of activity or position, dryness can quickly become a problem.
The moment a vagina goes dry, your lover starts to have her vaginal tissue damaged, and she’ll end up sore afterwards. You don’t want that to happen under your watch, so be wary of a dry vagina – either it’s just dried up, or you’re doing something wrong, and either way you both need to do something about it. It could be timing (taking too long), technique (pain, awkwardness) or a simple lube-’em-up scenario. You be the judge. So long as you’re both being sexually satisfied, it all seems to be in order.
Write any time.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
