Aunt Vadge: why is she wet, but then we stop, and it’s then dry?

Good greetings Aunt Vadge,

Why is that I start fingering my lover, and she gets really wet, then after a few minutes we stop, and then I get back to that moment but it seems so dry after that? We then try sex, but it’s too dry.

Why is that?

It seems that her vagina is not excited anymore after fingering, but she still feels horny? I had an encounter with this, but it was a long time ago: sex, then after five minutes we came for round two, but it’s too dry. 

Yours sincerely,
Age: 20 
Country: Singapore

Dear Dry,

The moisture levels of a vagina don’t necessarily equate to the vagina being turned on. Being wet is a sign of a turned-on vagina, but not the only sign. On top of this, some women are naturally wetter than others.

You will learn the nature of your lover’s vagina after you have been with her a few times, to get used to the patterns of wetness, horniness, and orgasms. It’s very easy to make a vagina dry, but that doesn’t mean the lady in question is not having a good time, nor does it mean she isn’t horny.

You do, however, need to consider that you are doing something to her that is turning her off and making her dry as a dusty desert. That’s a conversation for you to have with her, but talk when you are not having any sex, so she can talk more openly. (It can be hard to say “I don’t really like what you’re doing” when someone is doing it with great enthusiasm!)

Skene's Gland Diagram

The glands that produce lubrication for the vagina (the Bartholin’s glands) are situated just next to the vaginal opening (see diagram), and these are activated with sexual desire – that can be even a sexual thought.

As the glands are activated and produce lubrication (a slippery fluid), it can take a while for this fluid to get to the outside of the body. A woman can be turned on, but not wet. It doesn’t always happen at the same time.

While there is some moisture naturally present inside the vagina, this can be quickly wicked away by a penis, which is usually dry when it enters the vagina. Fingers are also dry, and they soak up the fluids.

As you thrust things in and out of the cagina, air gets on the penis or the fingers, and this dries up the vaginal fluids too. The vagina isn’t just a soaking wet machine that always stays wet no matter what you do to it – if you use up all the fluid, it can take a while to replace itself. It’s not magic.

This is where lube comes in. Buy yourself some good-quality silicone lubricant, and have it handy for your sex sessions. It will come in good use when the vaginal moisture is all used up, and allow you to both enjoy a wet-feeling vagina without the pressure of your lover always producing her own on demand.

When sex is short and completed in ‘one go’ (i.e. not stopping and starting) it is usually easier for it to stay wet, since the first ‘squirt’ of natural vaginal lubrication is often enough to make the whole thing go smoothly (without a condom, and sometimes with – condoms are also very, very drying, and need lube to stop breakages). When sex is long, drawn-out, and there are many changes of activity or position, dryness can quickly become a problem.

The second a vagina is dry, your lover will start to have her vaginal tissue damaged, and she’ll end up sore afterwards. You don’t want this to ever happen under your watch, so be very wary of a dry vagina – either it’s just dried up or you are doing something wrong, and either way, you both need to do something about it. It could be timing (taking too long), technique (pain, awkward), or a simple lube-em-up scenario. You be the judge of that.

So long as you are both being sexually satisfied, then it all seems to be in order.

Write anytime!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

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