Are female virgins tighter and better to have sex with?

The idea that a virgin girl is tighter, and therefore better to have sex with, is a theoretical idea based on the concept that the tighter something is around the penis during sex, the better it feels for the man.

This is related to the idea that a loose vagina is caused by having sex with many men. That more penises means more stretch, even though this – mysteriously – doesn’t apply if the same penis is used day after day, year after year, like if you are married. Nobody accused married women of having loose vaginas.

A vagina is stretchy and elastic, with the pelvic floor muscles that surround the vagina largely responsible for how tight the vagina feels during penetration, for both partners. If a vagina feels tight to a man, it’s not because of virginity, but down to how tense the pelvic floor muscles are.

A woman can have a very tight-feeling vagina after having lots of sexual partners. In fact, many busy sex workers have the tightest vaginas out, because they use them so much and the muscles in their pelvis are very well developed and strong. Their control is amazing!

Sex with a virgin may seem ‘tighter’ around a penis if she is tense and anxious, and possibly has a hymen to push through (which is going to hurt her), but this doesn’t make sex better. Sex with a person who is happy, open, relaxed and turned on is always going to be better sex.

Sex with an anxious person is most likely to be bad sex. This applies to both guys and girls. If a guy is nervous, however, he may have problems getting an erection, whereas girls don’t have any such protective mechanism, except to tense up, making her body and vagina tight.

If sex hurts either of you, you’re doing it wrong. If you or your partner – guy or girl – has never had penetrative sex before or is new to sex, it can be really nerve-wracking. For women, being tense is going to make it hurt. So be kind, be gentle, and go slow. There is no hurry.

The answer is a big fat no. Sex with a female or male virgin is usually going to be some of the worst sex you will hopefully both ever have in your life. Being a good lover takes practice!

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Jessica Lloyd - Vulvovaginal Specialist Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)