Aunt Vadge: how on earth do you have sex?

Dear Aunt Vadge, 

My boyfriend is asking for sex lately, but neither of us have done it before. Anytime we want to do it, we end up not knowing how to do it. I need a comprehensive and photo guide on how to have sex. 

Best,
Not Sure
Age: 18
Country/Area: Nigeria

Dear Not Sure,

We unfortunately do not have such a guide, but we do have a few guides to help you with diagrams. The first thing you should both investigate is your anatomy – that is, how your vagina actually works, and how his penis works. You need to understand how to turn you both on, which in many ways is still sex – penetrative sex (penis in vagina sex, as opposed to oral sex, anal sex, fingering, jerking your boyfriend off, or whatever) is just one way to have sex. You both have plenty of reading and discovery ahead of you, so the best thing you can both do is get your reading devices, lie down naked together with condoms and lube, and start reading and practising!

We don’t provide guides on male anatomy, how to perform oral sex on a man, or how to give a man a hand job, so you’ll need to go elsewhere for that information.

The best way to figure out how to have good sex is to start touching each other and see what feels good, and talk about what you both like! Then eventually, you’ll get to stop talking so much, and just do it, because you’ll know what each other likes.

Learning how to have sex is something we all have to do, so take your time, avoid pain at all costs, stop as you need to, and keep trying different things!

Write anytime if you get stuck.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.
Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

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