Dear Aunt Vadge,
A month ago I’ve lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt, but I didn’t worry about it because it was the first time. The next two or three days I was really hurting while peeing, then after three days it stopped. Second time it wasn’t so bad, I dare to say it was pleasurable, however I didn’t reach climax.
After the intercourse I had again painful urination but only just for two three days. Yesterday we had sex again, it hurt more than the second time but after that the feeling went away and just a minor discomfort stayed. Again it was pleasurable but again I couldn’t reach climax AND on top of that I had a rough time getting wet enough.
The painful urination thing again can be felt. I read that it can be UTI but I’m not sure because I don’t have to go urinate more frequently and it just for a few days, the only time it hurts really bad is the first day then slowly fading away. However after urinating in the first two days I feel a sting kind of feeling in my clitoris and lower abdomen. At first since the beginning, then just at the end.
What can be the problem? Does it hurt because I’m still not used to having sex? Or just because maybe I need more time to get wet ? If yes is it normal to need more time and not to reach climax yet? And for the painful urination part, could it be that I just have a bruise or injury? Or is it may be more serious?
I’m looking forward to your answer
Learning how to have sex without it being sore is a process. Just putting a penis into a vagina is a dangerous activity if you aren’t turned on properly, as you end up doing damage to your tissue (which heals, don’t worry), instead of having orgasms.
It’s very normal for you to be going through this process, however there is one important thing to consider next time: if it hurts, even a tiny bit, stop. We’ve got plenty of reading for you to do on the topic, so I’ll put some links below for you to read through with your boyfriend and on your own.
The reason you hurt for a few days afterwards, particularly in the urethral area and abdomen is likely because your boyfriend’s penis is damaging the delicate insides of your vagina. It might feel ok at the time, but afterwards you feel the problems it’s caused.
This is resolved by being fully turned-on before you attempt penetration. I mean, wet, plumped up, and dying for his penis to enter you. This takes a lot longer than you might think, and means lots of fooling around, oral sex, gentle fingering, and whatever else floats your boat. Learning what floats your boat is the hard part – but, it’s fun learning! There’ll be lots of laughter when things go wrong, sometimes it’ll get awkward, and it’ll mean lots of talking.
If you are both new to sex, figuring out how to have good sex is a journey that lasts a lifetime, and changes with every partner you’ll have in your lives. If you do the talking and experimenting now, you will have more good sex throughout your life, rather than staying quiet and awkward. Get talking!
Here are my recommended reading links for you both:
- The clitoris and female orgasm
- How to perform oral sex on a woman
- Fingering basics for men (and women)
- How to have penis-in-vagina sex
If you still have questions, write back anytime!