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Hi Aunt Vadge,
My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half and we’ve done everything but sex. How do I bring up the topic of sex with him? I love him and feel ready to lose my virginity to him – but could I be too young?
And second: I got curious and tasted myself recently, and I was kind of sour – not awful, but not pleasant. Is that normal? My boyfriend goes down on me but not often – does he not like the taste, or am I overthinking?
And is there anything I can do to make it taste better?
Sincerely,
Confused
Pennsylvania, USA
Dear Confused,
Lovely questions – let’s take them one at a time. On bringing it up: the best approach is the simple, honest one. Tell him how you feel and ask him directly whether he feels ready too. Good sex starts with exactly that kind of open conversation, so it’s good practice for everything that follows.
And ‘am I too young?’ is a really mature thing to ask, so I’ll answer it properly rather than just yes or no.
Being ready isn’t only about feeling ready in your heart; it also means you’re at or above the legal age of consent where you live (this varies by place, so it’s worth knowing yours), that both of you actually want it freely and without pressure, that you can look after protection – condoms and contraception – and that you feel completely safe and unhurried.
If all of that’s true, it’s your decision to make in your own time. If any of it isn’t quite there yet, there’s no rush at all; everything you’re already doing together counts, and the right time will still be the right time later.
Now the taste – and the part that should put you at ease is this: sour is exactly what a healthy vagina tastes like. Your protective bacteria (lactobacilli) make lactic acid, which keeps you at a slightly acidic, infection-resistant pH, and that’s the sourness you noticed.
It’s the same family of bacteria that turns milk into yoghurt – you can quite literally make yoghurt from your own vaginal bacteria. So that taste isn’t a flaw; it’s a sign things are working. Two reassuring things go with it.
First, your own fluids taste ‘weird’ to you in the same way most people find their own (or a partner’s) genitals taste strong out of context – but your boyfriend’s senses respond completely differently, because bodies are wired to find a partner’s natural scent and taste part of the appeal, not off-putting.
Second, only a properly bad smell or taste – strongly fishy, foul, ‘off’ – points to something like an infection. A normal sour tang is just you being healthy.
Can you change it? Diet shifts it a little, temporarily: lots of fruit (pineapple is the famous one) tends to sweeten things, while heavy, spicy or very meaty meals can go the other way.
It takes a day or so to show up, and it works on his semen too, so you could make a playful experiment of it together if you fancy. As for why he doesn’t go down on you as often as you’d like – please don’t invent a reason, because that road leads straight to a complex you don’t need.
People have endless reasons (energy, time, confidence, what they grew up thinking, plain habit) that have nothing to do with you, and the only way to know is to ask him, warmly and directly. Almost certainly it isn’t your taste – and a kind partner won’t make you feel bad about your perfectly normal body.
You’re completely normal and healthy. Put the worry down.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
