Aunt Vadge: how do I bring up sex with my boyfriend (and what about my vagina’s taste?)

Hi aunt vadge,

So I have a couple questions for you, but before I ask my questions I have some background to lay down first. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for around a year and a half now, and we’ve done everything but sex. So my first question for you is: 

How do I bring up the topic of sex to my boyfriend?

Like we’ve been together for a while and he’s an amazing guy and I love him and I want to lose my virginity to him and I’m 100% ready but I’m 15 and he’s 16. Is that to young?

^ so there’s my first set of questions and here is my second set of questions.

So I’ve been masturbating since I was like 10, and over time I’ve gotten curious (I know this sounds crazy) of how I tasted. So recently I said screw it and gave it a shot. But what shocked me was that I tasted kinda sour. It wasn’t like an awful taste, but it wasn’t pleasant either. 

Is that normal?

I feel bad because my boyfriend goes down on me, but he doesn’t do it often. Does he not like it because it tastes bad, or am I just overthinking? 

And

Is there anything I can do to make it taste better?

Those are my few questions thank you for reading, this website is so so so helpful.

Sincerely,
Confused
Age: 15
Country: Pennsylvania
_____

Dear Confused,

Such great questions! Let’s take them one at a time.

#1. How do I bring up the topic of sex to my boyfriend?

The direct approach is probably best here: ask him if he would like to have sex with you! If he says yes, then you should go ahead and plan the occasion – condoms, lube, privacy – and go for it. As for your age – you aren’t too young to have sex, but you both should feel ready to take that step.

Talk to your boyfriend about the idea of having sex, and see if he’s into it and feels ready. If he’s not, then you will need to talk over why, and then figure out how he can let you know when he might be ready.

#2. Is it normal for my vaginal fluids to taste kinda sour?

The reason your vaginal fluids taste a bit sour is because your healthy bacteria – lactobacilli – produce lactic acid. This is the same type of bacteria that we make yoghurt out of – which when yoghurt is raw and unflavoured and unsweetened, is sour. This is not only normal, but desirable. That is what a healthy vagina tastes like! You can actually make yoghurt out of your healthy vaginal fluids.

You have probably tasted your boyfriend’s ejaculate fluid by now, which ain’t no dessert. Our bodies taste weird, but unless your vaginal fluids smell and taste bad, like disgusting bad, then this is normal. What I would recommend is that you let your boyfriend do the tasting in future and don’t worry about it. You can guarantee that that is just what vaginas taste and smell like, even though we’re each a little different. But, just like penises and semen have an odour that is recognisable, so do vaginas.

It’d be surprising if your boyfriend didn’t want to go down on you because of this. That can happen. Genitals do smell different to other parts of our bodies, and necessarily so. They produce a lot of scent molecules that give out messages.

Over time, we learn to associate those smells and tastes with sex. They just become part of the deal, and in fact can be triggers for nice feelings. Like if you wanted to tease your boyfriend, and you put a finger into your vagina and then made him smell it with a dirty, mischievous smile, he will associate that smell with sexy stuff and your vagina. You don’t have to like it!

It can also be kind of confronting when someone goes down on you, and then comes up for a wet kiss! Not everyone is into it – I sure ain’t. But, I’m happy for my lovers to be into it. It’s the sort of thing that unless it was super weird, just isn’t commented on particularly, unless for some reason your lover thinks today you taste delicious.

If you flip this around, it’s just like gulping down a mouthful of semen – not something you want to drink with cupcakes at afternoon tea, but not so terrible when you think of the pleasure associated with it. You don’t say bad things about that to your boyfriend, but you may scrunch up your nose to your friends.

When you are first learning about sex and vaginas and penises, smells are part of the puzzle. If your vagina smells bad and tastes bad, then that’s a different issue (maybe an infection) but it sounds like you are perfectly normal and healthy, and there is no need to worry.

Remember that your vaginal flavour to you is nothing but a weird flavour. This is not the same to your boyfriend. His scent system is set up to respond to your body’s fertility and sexual molecules, and vice versa. We are animals, and so many of the messages that get passed between us are through scent and taste. This is how we make many of our decisions (both conscious and unconscious) about food, drinks, people, and sexual partners.

Your boyfriend does NOT feel the same about your flavour as you. You also have to accept that our bodies are weird and gross sometimes, and we accept our lovers’ tastes and smells, and they accept ours. That’s the deal. I’d suggest put it out of your mind and don’t let it affect how you feel about your body. You’re normal! Congratulations!

#3. Is there anything I can do to make my vaginal fluids taste better?

There are foods and so on that get passed through your system and change the way your vaginal fluids taste temporarily. Apparently ‘vegans taste better’ (a vegan bumper sticker slogan), and there are certain fruits like pineapple that supposedly change the way semen and vaginal fluids taste, making it sweeter. In that same way, eating a lot of spicy, meaty foods may have a different effect.

Maybe you should do some experiments with your boyfriend! His semen can have a different flavour too, so you guys can try some different foods out and see which you like the best. That way you can talk about the flavour of your vaginal fluids, not as being ‘bad’, but altered, and your boyfriend can talk to you freely about which tastes good. Turn it into a sexy science experiment! You’ll need to eat the foods for probably the day before and that day to have the best effect. (It’s not instant.)

If you want to know why your boyfriend doesn’t go down on you very often, perhaps you should ask him – inventing reasons why people do or do not do things is a huge mistake that will send you crazy. You don’t know until you ask.

Just be prepared that if it is your vaginal fluid taste, that you accept the answer with good grace – you did ask. (It almost certainly is not that though, and even if it was, he probably won’t tell you, which is good! That’s the kind of information that gives you a complex for the rest of your life, which you do not need.)

Have fun!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge