Understanding Bleeding After Intimacy

Dear Aunt Vadge,

My boyfriend was fingering me for about the fifth time. He used three fingers (this wasn’t the first time he had), but once he stopped I was bleeding a decent amount for around 5-10 minutes, and then further spotting for about another 5-10 minutes.

I felt no pain when I urinated or any pain at all.

I thought it was my hymen, but then a week or two later we had sex for the first time, and when we stopped I was bleeding again, this time not as much, and for three or so minutes.

Again no pain was felt apart from when he first ‘put it in’. I’m not sure why I have bled twice, and I am worried as of why I have. Thanks in advance!

Best,
Bleeding

_____

Dear Bleeding,

Your hymen can bleed more than once. Your boyfriend’s fingers are smaller than his penis, so it’s possible that your hymen has been stretched/damaged, but not fully, until the next time when his penis went in, and it split more.

For now, don’t worry – if the bleeding is less each time, it will likely only improve and disappear. No pain is a good sign too.

You should worry if A) there is pain and/or B) the bleeding upon penetration continues. It means there is perhaps a greater issue at play. In this case, visit a trusted doctor or sexual health clinic and have a chat and an examination if necessary.

Can I stretch my own hymen?

Read the article on the Humble Hymen, and at the bottom, see the instructions for stretching out your hymen so it doesn’t cause you issues.

Stretching your hymen is something you would do by yourself. It’s important that you understand what your vagina feels like, and what’s inside.

Find out what happens when you push on it, wiggle your fingers, and use different angles. This exploration allows you to be more in touch when things are going wrong, like if you start bleeding mysteriously!

Getting to know yourself better – on your own

When you are by yourself, you get some coconut oil or lube and sit for 20 minutes every few days and do a bit of feeling and stretching yourself.

You should know where the blood originated. You can cut yourself during sex the same way you might cut yourself if you stubbed your toe or grazed your knee. It’s not a big deal, but pain and bleeding should be avoided during sex as much as possible, as sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable, not painful and bloody!

You’re doing great! Keep having fun.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

References^1,2

1.
Fahmy MAB. Hymen. Rare Congenital Genitourinary Anomalies. Published online September 20, 2014:159-170. doi:10.1007/978-3-662-43680-6_10
2.
Moussaoui D, Abdulcadir J, Yaron M. Hymen and virginity: What every paediatrician should know. J Paediatrics Child Health. Published online January 8, 2022:382-387. doi:10.1111/jpc.15887