Understanding Bleeding After Intimacy

Dear Aunt Vadge,

My boyfriend was fingering me for about the fifth time. He used three fingers (this wasn’t the first time he had), but once he stopped I was bleeding a decent amount for around 5-10 minutes, and then further spotting for about another 5-10 minutes. I felt no pain when I urinated or any pain at all.

I thought it was my hymen, but then a week or two later we had sex for the first time, and when we stopped I was bleeding again, this time not as much, and for three or so minutes. Again no pain was felt apart from when he first ‘put it in’. I’m not sure why I have bled twice, and I am worried as of why I have. Thanks in advanced!

Best,
Bleeding
_____

Dear Bleeding,

Your hymen can actually bleed more than once. Your boyfriend’s fingers are smaller than his penis, so it’s possible that your hymen has been stretched/damaged, but not fully, until next time when his penis went in, and it fully broke.

For now, I wouldn’t worry – if the bleeding is less each time, it’s probably just teething problems. No pain is a good sign too.

You should worry if A) there is pain and/or B) the bleeding upon penetration continues. It means there is an obstruction.

What might be useful is, if when you are by yourself, you get some coconut oil or lube and sit for 20 minutes every few days and just do a bit of feeling and stretching yourself. Read the article on the Humble Hymen, and at the bottom see the instructions for stretching out your hymen so it doesn’t cause you issues.

This is something you would do by yourself. It’s important that you understand what you vagina feels like, and what’s inside – and what that feels like when you push on it, wiggle your fingers, and are on different angles. This allows you to be more in touch when things are going wrong, like when you start bleeding mysteriously!

It surely won’t be the last time you bleed in your lifetime – sex can get pretty wild sometimes, and this is fine.

But you should know from where the blood is originating, and make sure it isn’t problem blood. You can cut yourself during sex the same way you might cut yourself if you stubbed your toe or grazed your knee. It’s no big deal, but pain and bleeding obviously should be avoided during sex as much as possible.

Please see your doctor if the bleeding seems very heavy, won’t stop, or happens every time you have something in your vagina, including your own fingers.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge