Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Dear Aunt Vadge,
Today my boyfriend fingered me and went down on me, but it hurt while he was doing it and now my vagina hurts. Why is that? Should I be worried?
Hurting
California
Dear Hurting,
The most likely reason it hurt is simply technique and not enough lubrication – when fingering or oral sex is too rough, too dry, or in the wrong spot, it drags on and irritates the delicate tissue, leaving you sore afterwards.1
It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, and a bit of soreness after a session that didn’t feel good usually settles within a day or two with rest.
The real fix is communication: your boyfriend can’t know what feels good for your body unless you guide him, so tell him when something hurts, ask him to be gentler or to try a different spot or rhythm, and don’t be shy about steering – good sex is collaborative, and ‘softer’ or ‘not there’ is useful, kind information, not criticism.
Plenty of lubricant helps too.
For now, give the area a rest from sex for a few days, wash only with plain water, wear comfy cotton, and let it calm down.
The reasons to see a doctor would be if the pain doesn’t settle within a few days, or you notice bleeding that doesn’t stop, unusual discharge, or burning when you pee – those point to a graze that needs care or a possible infection, rather than just friction.
But ordinary soreness after rough or dry play is common and harmless, and the answer is gentler, wetter and better-directed next time.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
- Herbenick D, Reece M, Hensel D, Sanders S, Jozkowski K, Fortenberry JD. Association of lubricant use with women’s sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and genital symptoms: a prospective daily diary study. J Sex Med. 2011;8(1):202–212.
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
