Aunt Vadge: my boyfriend fingered me and went down on me and it hurt – why?

Dear Aunt Vadge
Today my boyfriend fingered me and also performed oral sex on me but it hurt while he was doing it and now my vagina hurts, why is that? Should I be worried?
Hurting
Age: 17
Country/Area: California

Dear Hurting,

Your vagina hurt because your boyfriend was doing it wrong. There is a right way and a wrong way to perform oral sex and finger a lady, and the right way is the way that feels good and doesn’t hurt. The wrong way is the one that leaves you like this. The right way is up to you, since your boyfriend obviously hasn’t got any idea what feels good for you, so make sure you tell him to stop if it hurts, and to go softer/try another way. You need to direct him, because otherwise you are just going to keep getting hurt.

Your vulva and vagina can be pretty delicate when you are not turned on, and everything just hurts or feels boring. Being turned on is the only way to get your tissues ready to be touched in any sexual way, because they plump up with blood and that acts as a buffer to fingers, penises and mouths. And it feels way better. You guys need to work on figuring out what turns you on, so go through the fingering basics, how to perform oral sex on a woman, and how to have sex 101. You will then be able to have more open conversations about what feels good, even though it can be really embarrassing. Especially if you don’t really know what you do like. Also check out vag basics – anatomy is important.

If you think the reason is different to this, let me know and we can talk it over. Write anytime.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.