Aunt Vadge: Why am I getting tears with my new boyfriend, but not my old one?

Hello Aunt Vadge, 

Actually I want to know something. I have pain after sex. This time, my vagina was dry. I am not a virgin, and have had sex many times with my ex boyfriend, but this time when my new boyfriend and I have sex, my vagina is dry and it feels itchy, inflamed and painful sensation in my posterior fourchette and fossa navicularis area. 

Why do I have this problem, and what do I do? Does this mean antibiotic or antifungal tablets or cream? I don’t really understand what to do at this time. 

Thank you.
Worried

Hello Worried,

Fear not! This seems to me like a delightfully quick fix. First up, while you’re feeling tender and inflamed, give your dear vagina a little rest. No sex for a few days, just until the dust settles. Soak her in a nice bath, wear comfy cotton undies and tell her you love her.

THEN. Next time you’re feeling ready to have sex, you need to use plenty of lube. I loved silicone-based because it’s so smooth, but for a cheaper alternative, coconut oil works great. If you’re using condoms, I urge you to stick to water-based lube (check the label) because silicone and latex don’t work together.

Basically, it sounds to me like you’ve got a friction problem. Super common and super uncomfortable. Lube helps things work better, because it decreases the friction during penis-in-vagina sex. This has outstanding benefits to multiple layers of our sex lives. Here’s why lube rocks:

  • Pleasure. The wetter, the better. When you’re lubed up, your lover’s penis can slide in with ease, eradicating one reason for pain, and providing more pleasure. If your partner is thrusting for a while, the skin will get tired, and naturally things get sore and itchy. The more lube, the less likely this will happen.
  • More lube means less chance of STIs. The more friction there is, the more likely it is to tear skin and increases the risk of sharing STIs. Lubrication will decrease your risk.

Just remember, the wetter, the better.

If you are feeling drier than usual, but are just as turned on as ever, then that’s another issue. Write back anytime if you have more questions.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.
Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

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