Aunt Vadge: can we use a condom if her vagina is really tight?

Dear Aunt Vadge, 

Can a condom be used on my penis for STI prevention when having sex with a virgin girl, considering the tightness of her vagina?

Straight Man
Age: 25
Country: Africa

Dear Straight Man,

You should definitely wear a condom when you have sex with anyone. It won’t make it harder for her vagina so long as you pay attention to how it feels, and make sure you ask her how her vagina feels all the time.

Read Sex 101, Cunnilingus, and Fingering Basics so you understand how to talk to her, how to touch her, and how to turn her on so that her vagina is open, wet, hot and willing before you put your penis inside her. This is more important than her tight vagina – vaginas are stretchy, but when a girl is anxious or scared, it naturally tightens up, so your job is to make her feel relaxed, safe, and do your best to turn her on.

It’s really important to make sure you have a good-quality lube on hand, because condoms can get really dry at the best of times, and that will make her so sore she won’t be able to walk properly, and she may never want to have sex again! Keep the penetration short, make sure she is really turned on first (keeping in mind she is going to be probably a bit anxious and scared – first time sex is scary and fun!), and be really, really gentle.

My favourite sort of lube is silicon-based, as it is much smoother, not sticky, and lasts longer than water-based lube.

Buy really thin, good quality condoms – they cost more, but they feel better for you both. Those big, thick, rubber-glove type condoms aren’t fun for anyone.

You should also get her to read (or read it to her) the articles mentioned – it’s really great to talk about these things together, and then experiment with what you discover as you go. She may need more information on what to expect from first-time sex too, since it is a really confusing and bizarre experience, to have someone else’s body part inside your body, thrusting away!

Make sure you don’t penetrate her for a long time – ten minutes for a first time is too long. A few slow, gentle minutes at first is fine – then stop, and see how she feels. Make sure to reapply lube to your penis and her clitoris and vulva, and the entrance to her vagina – never let it get dry. She shouldn’t be in pain after sex, even for the first time.

Condoms, lube, lots of love and talking – you’ll be just fine.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge  

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