Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Dear Aunt Vadge,
Can a condom be used on my penis for STI prevention when having sex with a virgin girl, considering the tightness of her vagina?
Yours,
Straight Man
Age: 25
Country: Africa
Dear Straight Man,
Yes – always wear a condom, with anyone. It won’t make things harder for her, as long as you go slowly, use plenty of good lube, and keep checking in with her the whole time. For first-time sex with a condom, that really is the whole recipe: lube, patience, and asking her how she feels as you go.
Try not to worry too much about the tightness. Vaginas are stretchy, and tightness is far more about nerves than about size. When a woman is anxious or scared, everything naturally tenses up – so your real job is to help her feel relaxed, safe and turned on before anything goes anywhere near her.
Have a read of Sex 101, Cunnilingus and Fingering Basics so you know how to talk to her, how to touch her, and how to turn her on so her vagina is open, wet and willing. That matters far more than how tight she is.
Good-quality lube matters more than almost anything else here. Condoms can be drying even at the best of times, and that soreness can put someone off sex for ages – so don’t skimp. My favourite is silicone-based: it’s smoother, not sticky, and lasts much longer than water-based lube.
Keep the first go short – ten minutes of penetration is far too long for a first time. A few slow, gentle minutes, then stop and see how she’s feeling. Reapply lube to your penis, her vulva and clitoris, and the entrance to her vagina, and never let things get dry. She shouldn’t be in pain during or after sex, even the first time.
Buy really thin, good-quality condoms too. They cost a bit more, but they feel better for both of you – those big, thick, rubber-glove types aren’t fun for anyone. As a bonus, condoms also help protect her vaginal balance from being thrown off; here’s how condoms and BV are linked.
Get her to read these articles too, or read them together – it’s lovely to talk this stuff through beforehand and then experiment as you go. First-time sex can be a confusing, funny, bizarre experience, and she may want to know what to expect. This letter from another first-timer is a nice read for her.
In our clinical work, soreness and little tears from sex that was too dry or too rushed are nearly always preventable with enough lube and taking your time. If she does get a bit sore afterwards, small grazes usually settle on their own within a few days. It’s worth her seeing a doctor if there’s heavy or ongoing bleeding, pain that keeps getting worse, or any sign of infection.
And above all: if she wants to slow down or stop at any point, then slow down or stop. Checking in with her the whole way through is what lets her relax and enjoy it.
Condoms, lube, lots of love and talking – you’ll be just fine.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
