Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Dear Aunt Vadge,
I’m a 26-year-old unmarried virgin. I started masturbating at around 18 using running tap water. I was totally ignorant about the clitoris and its importance, and used to masturbate about every two to three weeks.
One day I was masturbating with an ice cube. When I rubbed it on my clitoris it hurt, so I stopped. I pressed a tissue onto my clitoris and there was a tiny amount of blood. After a few days it stopped hurting. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed a small dot-like piece of skin hanging next to my clitoris. I think it’s the glans of the clitoris.
I stopped masturbating for two or three years. Recently I started again using the same technique, and I noticed the skin comes out from the hood. I think I can feel the shaft a little, where the labia minora joins the clitoris. The last time caused pain in my stomach and leg, a pinching feeling in the clitoris, and discomfort when I walk. I also have an old tear on the left labia minora that’s healed now.
After that I got scared and started researching online, and learned about the importance of the clitoris. I found your website and started following your advice, using warm water and vegetable oil. I took a painkiller and the pain has gone.
I’ve been in a great depression and unable to lead a normal life for the last 25 days. Please tell me – will this affect my future married life? What can I do? Please answer as soon as possible. I can’t share this with anybody. This guilty feeling is killing me. I need help.
Yours sincerely,
Ice Cube
Age: 26
Country: Bangladesh
Dear Ice Cube,
Thank you for writing, and please take a breath – you’re going to be okay. It’s frightening to hurt yourself, especially somewhere as private as this, and I can hear how much worry you’ve been carrying. Let me try to lift some of it.
First and most important: you have done nothing wrong. Masturbating is healthy and normal, and getting to know your own body is a good thing, not a shameful one. There’s no guilt to carry here at all. Many women never explore what they enjoy, so you’re actually ahead.
The one thing I’d change is the ice cube – please stop using it. Ice is too hard and too cold for the delicate clitoris, and that’s very likely what grazed you. It may also be behind the pain in your legs and stomach, through what’s called referred nerve pain, where an irritated nerve is felt in another part of the body. Warm water and a little oil, as you’ve already found on our site, are far kinder.
I want to gently acknowledge the low mood and guilt you’ve described over these weeks, because that sounds really heavy to carry alone. None of this makes you a bad person, and it isn’t something to feel ashamed of. If those low feelings don’t lift as your body heals, please consider talking to someone you trust or a caring professional – you deserve support, and you don’t have to carry this by yourself.
Healing your clitoris and clitoral hood
Keep the area clean and don’t touch it more than you need to – the vegetable oil is a good idea. Check there are no stray particles caught under the clitoral hood, like a pubic hair or a scrap of tissue, as those can be very irritating. Leave your clitoris alone until it’s fully healed, and be very gentle when you look.
Pain in your stomach and legs isn’t a normal response to masturbating, so if your clitoris is swollen, looks infected, or has bits of skin hanging that worry you, please see a doctor – it may be an infection that needs treating. You don’t have to explain exactly what happened if you’re embarrassed; you can simply say you hurt yourself by accident.
Gentler techniques from here
Once you’re healed, there are lots of gentler ways to enjoy yourself that won’t rough up your skin or clitoris. Use a small amount of lube or vegetable oil, take it slowly, and favour soft, light touch over anything harsh. Our Sex 101 and Vag Basics guides are a lovely, no-pressure place to learn what your body likes.
Your future is absolutely fine
If your clitoris and labia heal up, which is very likely, there’s no harm done and nothing to fear for your future married life. And even if something else turned out to be going on, these things are almost always manageable.
There are so many ways to share a happy, loving sex life, and a partner who cares for you will simply be glad to be close to you. If you’d like a proper look at what’s healing and some reassurance in person, you’re welcome to book an appointment with us. You’re going to be just fine.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
