Aunt Vadge: fleshy bits come out of me after being fingered

Vag 02

Hello Aunt Vadge,

I have a question! So I started to notice every time me and my boyfriend have sex and he also fingers me really hard and fast (but you know that’s how I like it) and I would go home and pee, but when I look down, I see fleshy bits that have come out of me!

What is this? Is it bad? Should I be worried?




Hi there Smiles,

Thank you for your email, and yes, your fleshy dangles do seem to be out of the ordinary!

Being fingered hard and fast is not a problem, but being fingered hard and fast and shredded, is. You don’t mention if these fleshy protrusions hurt, or bleed, or go back inside later, or what. Can you pull on them? Do they come loose? What colour are they?

You also don’t mention what they look like. Could it be your after-sex vagina? Vaginas and vulvas tend to swell up a bit and banging around in there can get kinda violent sometimes. If you have had a hard or long sex session, your vagina can be a bit lumpy and bumpy for a while until the swelling goes down, hours or even days.

Something that must be reviewed in a case like this is your boyfriends technique – there is no need for damage to be being done to your body during sex, as you can always find a way to get off without getting hurt. Check fingernails, and if it feels like you are being torn. Get your boyfriend to read this guide on how to use his fingers to pleasure a woman.

I’m going to suggest that having bits of flesh coming out of you, at any time except maybe after having given birth vaginally, is not normal, but in saying that, I can’t see your vagina, I don’t know the state of your boyfriend’s fingernails, nor his fingering or penetrative technique, and therefore I am not in a position to be judging. Someone qualified to make such judgements should, in fact, be looking at you, and sooner rather than later.

Your sticky-outy bits don’t seem to be a normal vaginal occurrence – your vagina should stay in one piece after sex, even rough sex. Unless you are being fingered by Edward Scissorhands, you shouldn’t have bits flapping around afterwards, especially more than once.

So, in a nutshell, please see a professional so-in-so – your doctor, the local sexual health clinic, whoever, and do it soon. You need someone to lay eyes on your insides who looks at vaginas all the time and will understand your description and be able to peer up into you with a torch and see what’s going on.

There may be an anatomical abnormality that is being disrupted that you were previously unaware of, such as a septum or other skin that you were born with inside your vagina that has come loose for lack of a better word. Usually this won’t be dangerous, but you should know what it is.

You sound like you have something that needs to be investigated, particularly if it has only just started to happen. Sorry I couldn’t be more help.

Once you do find out, let us know! It sounds intriguing. Until then, be gentle with your vagina, take some photos of your fleshy protrusions and jot down some notes so you have something to show your physician in case you turn up there and there isn’t anything much to see.

Good luck!

Warmest regards,

Aunt Vadge



Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.
Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

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