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Hi Aunt Vadge,
My boyfriend and I were fooling around, he fingered me, and I gave him a handjob. It was painful the first time he fingered me, because I’d never had anything inside my vagina before. He fingered me several more times over the evening – painful at the start, then okay for a while. I felt he was being a bit rough, but I didn’t stop him.
That same day I had bad back pain and slept for a couple of hours. When I woke the back pain was gone but my vagina was sore, and still sore the next day. This morning when I went to pee there was white discharge with a little blood, then some light bleeding for a few minutes. It’s stopped now but I’m still sore, and I don’t feel as wet as usual.
Will I get pregnant? Will my vagina go back to normal? How many days will it bleed? My period isn’t due for another eight days. Will this affect my periods or my daily life? This was my first time being fingered – I’d never done anything before, not even a kiss, though I’ve rubbed against a pillow, which feels good. I’m 22 and very worried.
Signed,
Worried
Hi Worried,
You’re completely fine. Fingering can’t get you pregnant, your vagina will heal in a few days, and none of this will affect your periods or your body long-term. The soreness and the bit of blood just mean the skin got grazed from a lot of friction while you were new to it – very common, heals fast, no lasting damage. Two things worth hearing, though: sex and touching are meant to feel good, not hurt, so the moment something hurts it’s completely okay to say stop, even though you didn’t this time. And the best way to enjoy all this is to get to know your own body first.
Why you bled and got sore
When you’re new to anything going inside, the skin is tender and not used to it, and a lot of friction (especially if it was a bit rough or you weren’t very wet) can graze it slightly. That’s what the soreness and light bleeding are. It’s minor and heals in a few days on its own. Next time, go slower, take much longer warming up so you’re properly wet, add a water-based lubricant, and keep it gentle. Our guide to whether fingering should hurt walks through what’s normal.
It should feel good – and ‘stop’ is always allowed
You said he was a bit rough and you didn’t stop him. That’s really common, especially the first time, but pain is your body telling you something – and you’re allowed to act on it. You can say ‘stop’, or ‘gentler’, or ‘not like that’ at any point, with anyone, no matter how far along things are. A partner worth having wants to know. Speaking up isn’t awkward or rude; it’s how good sex actually works.
Get to know your own body
You already know the pillow feels good – that’s really useful information about your own body. Explore on your own, without pressure, and work out what you actually like. Then you can share it. Fingering someone well is a real skill, and no boyfriend can guess it without your guidance, so the most useful thing you can do is learn yourself and then show him. If it helps, point him to our fingering basics for inexperienced partners.
You can’t get pregnant from fingering
Pregnancy needs sperm from a penis, ejaculated into the vagina during your fertile days. Fingers can’t do it. So you’ve nothing to worry about there.
When you do move on to penis-in-vagina sex, though, sort your contraception before it happens, not after. A local sexual health or family planning clinic (there’s usually a free one) will talk you through the options and set you up, and condoms on top protect you from sexually transmitted infections, which you can catch from a penis even if you can’t from fingers. It’s also well worth learning to track your cycle with a free period app so you know roughly when you ovulate. Our letter on what to expect from first-time sex is a good next read.
It won’t affect your periods
Your periods and cycle are run by hormones. Fingering is a physical thing, and the two aren’t connected, so this won’t change your cycle or your day-to-day life at all.
You sound like you’re being thoughtful about all this, which is exactly right. Write again any time.
There’s more on whether pain and bleeding after fingering is normal.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice. If the bleeding is heavy, or the soreness hasn’t settled within a week or so, see a doctor or nurse.
