Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Hi Aunt Vadge,
I’m 14 and haven’t had my period yet. My parents haven’t really given me ‘the talk’, so I was hoping you could explain whether sex hurts like everyone says, and tell me a bit about how my body works.
Sincerely,
Curious
Age 14, Colombia
Dear Curious,
Being curious about your body is completely normal and healthy, and it’s a good sign you’re thinking about this thoughtfully. I’ll give you the honest, sensible version.
Your period and your body
Not having your period yet at 14 is within the normal range – bodies reach that milestone at different ages, usually somewhere between about 10 and 16. If it hasn’t arrived by about 15, or anything worries you, that’s a good thing to mention to a parent or your doctor, but for now there’s nothing unusual going on.
On the hymen: it’s a thin, stretchy rim of tissue near the vaginal opening, and it varies enormously from person to person. It isn’t a measure of anything, and you can’t really tell much from it – so try not to worry about it.
Does sex hurt?
The short, honest answer: sex is something for when you’re older and ready, and when it happens it should not hurt. It should always be something you want, that feels comfortable, and that is never rushed or pressured. Pain is a sign to slow down or stop – not something to push through.
There is absolutely no rush. It’s completely normal to be years away from any of this, and the fact that you haven’t is exactly where you should be at 14.
Who to ask
The best people to talk this through with are trusted adults – a parent, an older sibling or aunt, a school nurse, or your doctor. If ‘the talk’ hasn’t happened at home, it’s completely okay to ask for it, or to ask a teacher or nurse to point you to good, age-appropriate sex-education resources made for people your age. Those are the right places for the detailed answers.
When you are much older and it’s the right time, planning contraception and protection in advance matters – but that’s a conversation for the future, not for now.
You asked a smart, brave question, and there’s nothing embarrassing about it at all.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
