Aunt Vadge: why am I so sore after fingering?

Hi there,

I am a 15-year-old virgin. My boyfriend fingered me for the first time, and I noticed a little blood on my panties afterwards, but I knew that I’m due for my period so I thought nothing of it. But a while later, I went to the toilet and when I was peeing, it was burning a lot. I couldn’t even wipe properly. It’s very sore. Please tell me why this is happening.

Thanks,
First Finger
Age: 15
Country/Area: South Africa

Dear First Finger,

You are feeling that stinging feeling because your boyfriend was too rough with your vagina, and has slightly damaged the vulvar tissue. That is, your inner labia have some small scrapes on them, probably from fingernails and being rough. Your urine is acidic, so it stings when it hits your now-raw flesh.

Your scrapes will heal, but your boyfriend really needs to learn how to finger you properly, so it feels good, and doesn’t cause damage. (You should read this together – Fingering Basics) This is as much your responsibility as his, since if you don’t tell him what feels good, he just does what he thinks probably feels good. It’s not the same thing! Each vagina is unique, just like every penis is unique.

Your vulva will heal in a few days without interference. Don’t touch it, don’t do any more fingering until it’s completely healed, and next time, ask your boyfriend to try oral as well – it’s a lot less damaging and usually more fun than fumbling fingers. Learn how to touch each other in all kinds of ways, not just being fingerbanged. I assure you, that is not the sum total of teenage sexual experience, despite teenage boys being overly keen to dip a finger or two in.

Write anytime!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vade