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Dear Aunt Vadge,
My boyfriend fingered me recently and one day it started bleeding heavily. After I cleaned up the bleeding stopped, but then it started to itch. A lot. How can I check if my hymen is intact? And if I go to the doctor, will they realise I’ve been fingered?
Please help me,
Confused
Age 18, India
Dear Confused,
The bleeding was most likely your hymen stretching as you were fingered – it’s a thin, stretchy rim of tissue just inside the entrance, and it stretches rather than snaps. The itch afterwards is usually part of healing, but it can also be a yeast infection that flares when the tissue has been disturbed. Give it a few days.
Checking your hymen
Use a mirror and good light and have a close look – the hymen sits right at the vaginal opening. If you use tampons or can fit a finger or two comfortably inside, it’s already stretched open, which is completely normal. There’s more in our hymen guide.
Worth knowing: the state of your hymen doesn’t reveal anything about your sexual history. It stretches from all sorts of ordinary things – tampons, cycling, exercise, masturbation – so no one can look and tell whether you’ve been fingered or had sex. Virginity testing is unscientific and has been condemned by health authorities worldwide.
Your right to private care
A doctor cannot tell that you’ve been fingered, and your health is your own business. A good doctor keeps your care confidential – it’s not for your parents, a future partner, or anyone else. If you can, find a female doctor you trust to help you get to know your body.
While it heals
Leave it alone – don’t scratch, rub or put anything on it, and let it settle on its own. Wear loose cotton underwear. If the itch is getting worse rather than better, or you notice an unusual discharge or odour, see a doctor to check for a yeast or other infection.
Get familiar with what your vulva looks like when it’s healthy, so you’ll notice if something changes. It’s yours for life.
There’s more on whether pain and bleeding after fingering is normal.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
