Aunt Vadge: My vagina is itchy after being fingered

Dear Aunt Vadge, 

I got fingered by my boyfriend recently and one of the days it started bleeding heavily. After cleaning up, the bleeding stopped, but then it has started to itch. Alot. 

How can I check if my hymen is intact? And if I go to the doctor, will they realise I have been fingered? 

Please help me!
Age 18

Dear Confused

If your hymen was there, and you got fingered, it’s possible that the bleeding was from your hymen being stretched and opened. The itch could be something healing up, but it could also be a yeast infection that has occurred at the same time, due to your tissue being disrupted by the fingering.

To see if your hymen is intact, you should get a mirror or your smartphone, a torch, and try to take a very up-close look. The hymen is very close to the outside of the vagina, so you should be able to see it covering the hole. If you were fingered, and use tampons, then it’s likely your hymen was stretched out and broken already. If you can fit a finger or two inside of your vagina, then your hymen has gone. You can read more about hymens here. 

The doctor – assuming you do not live in the backwaters of nowhere where they still check girls’ hymens for being open or closed as part of ritualistic shaming – will not know if you have been fingered, since hymens disappear in girls all the time, just from riding a bike or exercising or masturbating. You can’t tell if a girl has been fingered or had sex by looking at her vagina, ever. The doctor is your friend, so long as you have a good one. Find a female doctor you trust, who can help guide you along your journey of getting to know your vagina. You will need her!

Additionally, your doctor is your doctor; not the doctor of your parents or your future husband or boyfriends. They are forbidden from talking about your health with anyone. It’s nobody else’s business but yours.

Give your vagina a few more days to heal up, and for the itching to stop. Don’t scratch, rub, or put anything on your vagina, and just leave it be so it can heal by itself. Check yourself out in a mirror, and see what you can see. Check yourself regularly, and get familiar with your own vagina. It is with you for life, and not understanding what it looks like when it’s normal means if something changes, you won’t know. Keep in touch with yourself!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge  

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