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Hi Aunt Vadge,
My granddaughter is 10 years old, and it has come to my attention that her foster carers have been trying to wash her genitalia. Is this wrong – is this molestation? The girl is quite capable of washing herself without assistance.
I’m very fearful that my granddaughter is being subjected to unnecessary and inappropriate touching of her private parts. Please help – I really feel this is wrong, and I don’t know what I should do about it.
Worried Grandmother
Dear Worried Grandmother,
You’re doing the right thing taking this seriously – that instinct to protect her matters, and there are people whose actual job is to look into concerns exactly like yours.
On the concern itself: you’re right that a healthy 10-year-old can normally wash herself, and carers generally shouldn’t be washing a child of that age’s genitals unless there’s a specific care reason (illness, a disability, an accident). That on its own doesn’t automatically mean abuse is happening – there can be innocent explanations – but it is absolutely a legitimate thing to have looked into rather than brushed aside. You don’t have to work out by yourself whether it crosses a line; that is exactly what the professionals are for.
What to do:
- Report your concern to the agency or social worker responsible for her foster placement, and to your local child protection service. You don’t need proof – a genuine concern is enough for them to look into it, and reporting is the right, responsible step.
- If you’d like to talk it through first, a child-protection helpline can guide you and tell you exactly who to contact where you live. In the US that’s the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline on 1-800-422-4453 (24/7); in the UK, the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000. Tell me which country you’re in and I’ll point you to the right one.
- Keep a simple written note of what you’ve noticed and when – dates and specifics help the people who look into it.
A word of balance: raise it through those official channels rather than confronting the carers directly – both to keep the process fair and to protect your ongoing access to your granddaughter. And try not to let the worry harden into assuming the worst about foster carers in general; most are caring people, and this may well turn out to have an ordinary explanation. The point isn’t to accuse anyone, it’s to make sure someone whose job it is takes a proper look.
Alongside reporting – not instead of it – it’s always worth gently teaching any child that her body is her own, that no one should touch her private parts without a good reason, and that she can always tell you or another trusted adult if something feels wrong. But the responsibility to keep her safe sits with the adults and the system around her, never with her.
You showing up for her like this is exactly what she needs.
This is general information, not a substitute for professional legal or child-protection advice.
Please keep us posted, and tell me your country if you’d like the specific number to call.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
