Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Hi Aunt Vadge,
I’m in my late 20’s and a virgin. I finger myself, but I don’t go deep, well, actually, I am not able to go deep. So half goes inside. I am comfortable with two fingers as well. Sometimes it’s pleasurable, but mostly not.
I want to have sex with my partner but I feel my vagina is too tight, and even if I do try, it gets painful, and we stop.
I have been practising on myself for a week now, I am always very well lubricated, but I fail to understand how deep I can go, and how to gain confidence to take a step further.
I have a very loving partner, but I need direction.
What am I doing wrong? How long before I can enjoy a sex life with my partner?
Thanks so much,
Deeper
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Hi Deeper,
Thanks for your email. Sounds like you’re meeting a little resistance, which sometimes happens when you’re first starting out.
The vagina is a very stretchy organ, and when you are fully aroused, it tends to want to open up a bit and can stretch and accommodate various-sized objects (penis, toy, finger).
It sounds like you have been exploring and have the basics down: being aroused, being well lubricated, and having a partner you’re comfortable with. You’re getting stuck when trying to get very far into the vagina, but why? That’s the million-dollar question you ned the answer to.
What to do next
My first suggestion is to visit a trusted doctor or a pelvic floor physiotherapist and have them gently examine you.
This process can help you determine which route to take – try different strategies with your partner, or consider exploring other avenues if there is an identifiable challenge. A healthcare provider can offer specific advice.
There are a number of reasons for feeling resistance and some pain when attempting to go deeper, from a tight pelvic floor to anatomical differences. You can only find out by being checked and getting the reassurance and guidance you need to have a satisfying sex life.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
