Aunt Vadge: there was blood after fingering, but no pain

Dear Aunt Vadge, 

I am 15 years old and I am still a virgin. My boyfriend fingered me yesterday and after two hours, I went to the bathroom and saw a little brown blood on my panties and it is weird because I did not have any pain. Today he fingered me again, but this time there was not blood on my panties, just in my vagina. I do not have any kind of pain, I feel really normal, but I don’t know what could have happened to cause this bleeding.

What am I supposed to do? I am really chill but my boyfriend freaks out and I want to make sure that everything is okay without being forced to tell my mom or to see a doctor.

Best,
Chilled
Age: 15
Country/Area: Romania

Dear Chilled,

You can tell your boyfriend to relax! You’re undoubtedly fine. Fingering of virgin vaginas can sometimes produce some bleeding, even if you can’t feel any pain, since there can be parts of your hymen that remain (called hymenal remnants) that can have a blood supply. Alternatively, he may have caused some bleeding another way that you couldn’t really feel, since the vaginal canal actually doesn’t have many nerve endings – it’s your vulva that is very nerve-rich.

It’s very likely that with a bit of technique adjustment and a bit of an anatomy lesson, the bleeding will disappear and won’t return.

You guys could do a little anatomy experiment when you have some time to yourselves, whereby you both (one at a time!) put a finger into your vagina to see what you can feel. Be gentle and use lube, like coconut oil, to oil up your path so you can both explore a little to see what’s inside.

Wiggle your fingers, see what the different walls feel like under your fingertips, and talk about it – this is what your boyfriend will be feeling when he fingers you, so help him understand the different sensations. Also touch each of your labia in turn, and see what the different textures are like. See what each part feels like under his tongue. Take some time to learn about the character of your vulva and vagina – there is so much to it!

You can do the same on his penis, so you both get to know each other’s bits better. Just take your time to explore and be his student. You are not expected to be good at anything when you start out, and taking away that pressure to perform is a relief.

This activity might sound like a strange thing to do, but your boyfriend has presumably had no contact with vaginas except yours, and therefore has zero clue what he is doing – this can be scary for guys, and girls. You may have limited understanding of your vagina, so learning like this is a useful way to make fingering A) less bloody and B) feel better in future.

Your boyfriend sounds like he cares very much about your wellbeing, so him getting to know your vagina in a way where he gets to be the student can be reassuring for him – knowing what we are doing with sex makes us feel more confident. Touching someone else’s body – especially when absolutely flying blind like when fingering a vagina – is hard to get right when you have no idea what it feels like for the other person.

Girls are almost always on the receiving end of poking and prodding by penises and fingers, but put yourself in his position: putting his fingers into a dark, wet, warm hole, that then bleeds afterwards even though you are saying it’s fine! Teach him why it’s fine, by exploring your vagina.

The bleeding is very likely to end by itself, and just be part of the beginnings of your sexual pokings and proddings. I suggest that you take some time by yourself to explore your vagina and see if you can feel anything in there. Learning about your vagina is important, so that when stuff does start bleeding, you can figure out on your own whether that is worth going to the doctor about or not. Weird bleeding needs attention, but fingering wounds do not.

Also, make sure that your boyfriend always uses lube when fingering you, has short nails, and is gentle. You can sit down together and read Fingering Basics to get the full rundown on how fingering is meant to go and get some tips and tricks.

Happy fingering!

Aunt Vadge