Aunt Vadge: my boyfriend fingered me with four fingers and the bleeding was immense

Hi Aunt Vadge,

Good day. I got this problem last night when my boyfriend fingered me. He inserted four fingers into my vagina, and it feels good. At first when we check it, it is only fluid that is coming out. But when we inserted his fingers back again, pulling and pushing hard, then blood is all over the place.

The first time he did this, I also bled, but it’s not much as what happened last night. I saw blood flowing on my legs, and now this morning I used a menstrual pad to avoid any stain. The blood on my pad is like the first day of my period. My period will be on the 11th. I am scared, but hopefully you can explain and comfort me regarding this matter. Thank you very much.

Yours truly,
Age: 30
Country/Area: Philippines

Dear Bleeding,

There are two options here. The first is that this is actually your period coming early, which isn’t unheard of. Sometimes periods come early or late, and both can be perfectly normal variations on a normal menstrual cycle. The second is that four fingers is too many and your boyfriend’s pushing and pulling has damaged the inside of your vagina, and caused a lot of bleeding.

If you do have your period, the bleeding will feel like a normal period – check for other usual symptoms of a period that you might have, like tender breasts or period pain, and see if that seems normal. If so, your period will end and you will be able to be fingered again without it causing bleeding.

If the bleeding was caused by fingering, then a few things are possible. You don’t mention if you have had penis-in-vagina sex before, or if you masturbate, or if your boyfriend fingering you was the first penetrative sexual experience you have ever had.

You could have hymenal remnants that were inside your vagina and got disturbed; you could have a vaginal septum that your boyfriend hit; or he could have scraped your vaginal walls and vulva to the point that it bled that much.

If you have used tampons and had p-in-v sex before without bleeding, then the first two options are unlikely and your boyfriend’s fingering technique needs work. You can read through Fingering Basics together to learn how to safely finger your vagina without causing bleeding.

Four fingers is a lot for fingering, and is getting into fisting territory, so just make sure that you can’t achieve the same end without quite so many fingers. The spot where your fingers join the palm is much wider than the fingertips, and the angle required to do this can be awkward and result in fingernails scraping the sides of your vagina through a lack of control and direction.

Write back anytime if you are still concerned, and if the bleeding continues – and is not your period – go and get checked by a nurse or doctor to see what’s going on inside.

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge