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Hi Aunt Vadge,
Last night I let my boyfriend finger me. It didn’t go deep — I didn’t let him, since it started hurting. His finger didn’t even go in properly and he said it was very tight, and I stopped him when it hurt.
After I got home my vagina hurt so badly and there was a little blood in my underwear, and I’m not on my period (wouldn’t be until next month). Is it possible I lost my hymen? I’ve been fingered before, not deep, but it never bled.
What’s happening?
Sincerely,
Hurting
Age 21, Mexico
Dear Hurting,
A bit of bleeding and soreness after fingering like this is almost always two ordinary things together: your hymen (or the stretchy tissue around the entrance) being nudged a little more than usual, and going in before you were really aroused.
Your vagina is a specialised organ that simply doesn’t work well when you’re not turned on — the entrance stays tight and dry, so a finger drags on delicate skin and can graze or stretch it enough to bleed, even if you’ve been fingered before without bleeding.
That you stopped because it hurt and he said it felt ‘very tight’ fits this exactly: the tightness and the pain were your body telling you it wasn’t ready yet, not a sign of damage.
On the hymen question: it may well have stretched a little this time, and that can cause a small bleed — but the hymen isn’t a seal that’s ‘there’ or ‘lost’, it’s a flexible rim that gradually gives way with use, so a bit of bleeding as it stretches is normal and says nothing about you.
The fix for next time is all about readiness: plenty of unhurried arousal first, lots of lube, short smooth nails, and going slowly, stopping the instant it hurts. The soreness should settle in a day or two — keep it clean with plain water and rest it.
See a doctor only if the bleeding is heavy, won’t stop, or the pain keeps up once it’s healed.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
