Exploring Sexual Pleasure: Is It Normal to Feel Nothing?

Author: Aunt Vadge
Qualified Naturopath | BHSc(N)

Last reviewed: June 30, 2026

Hi Aunty Vadge,

I worry that something might be wrong with me — I don’t seem to feel much sexually. I’ve felt a little by rubbing against hard surfaces, but never by other means, and when I’ve tried, it didn’t really feel like anything. Could something be broken? I’m scared I’ll never be able to enjoy this part of life.

Thanks,
Dissatisfied
Canada

Dear Dissatisfied,

First, the reassurance you most need: there is nothing broken about you. Sexual feeling isn’t a switch that’s either on or off — it develops gradually, varies enormously from one person to the next, and very often takes time to wake up, especially when you’re new to it or anxious about whether it’ll happen at all.

Worrying that ‘it isn’t working’ is itself one of the things that gets most in the way, because this side of life runs on feeling relaxed and safe, not on trying hard.

So the honest answer is that what you’re describing is extremely common and not a sign anything is wrong. Bodies are all different — some people notice a lot early on, others very little for a long while — and that says nothing about what you’ll feel or enjoy in time.

There’s no rush at all, and no timetable you’re failing to meet.

If it would set your mind at ease, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning it to a doctor or a trusted person — not because something’s wrong, but because hearing ‘this is completely normal’ in person can lift the worry — and if anything ever feels physically wrong, like pain, that’s always worth getting checked.

But from what you’ve written, this is simply your body taking its own time, which is entirely okay.

Be kind to yourself,
Aunt Vadge

This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.