Get to know her with your tongue

The tastes and smells of a healthy, clean vagina and its juices can be incredibly erotic. Learning how to look at and love a woman’s vulva and vagina starts off with getting to know it, by sight, touch, taste and smell.

How to get to know her well using your mouth

Once you’re both showered and have gotten a little hot and heavy, lay her down and open her legs so you can see her fully. Turn the lights on, or get yourself a lamp or torch and lay down between her legs. You are going to give yourself and her a little show.

Each vulva and vagina is unique and beautiful in its own way, just like each penis is unique and beautiful in its own way. There are different sizes, shapes, colours, textures, tucked in, thick, luscious, fuzzy, hairy, bald.

Pubic hairstyles

If she has a muff, it will likely be the same colour as her natural hair, though this might not be apparent. Muff hair is coarser and will vary incredibly in how much surface area it covers. Each woman decides how she likes to keep her pubic hair, just like she decides how she likes to keep her head hair styled.

Important Note: A lot of porn shows Brazilian-style vulvas, which may or may not have taught your brain that this is what’s hot. Remember before the internet? All crotch was hot, and it was all hairy.

Don’t let your porn brain training override your common sense. All bodies are great, hairy, a bit hairy, or bald. Learn to think outside the box and appreciate that muff hairstyles are fashion-based and evolve over time and have no bearing on how good the woman’s body is.

The vestibule

The vestibule is the area that lies between her vaginal opening underneath the clit. This is where her urethra and the Skene’s glands (female prostate) sit. A lot of sensation and action happens around the vestibule.

The labia (lips)

Her lips – the biggies and the littlies – are nestled vertically. The outer lips (labia majora) are more like regular skin and can grow hair. These lips are more like the shaft of your penis and not that sensitive compared to the rest of her vulva.

These outer lips begin from around the upper vulva, near her pubic mound, and go all the way down to the join near her perineum and anus, at the bottom of the vulva. They are thick in the middle and narrow out at either end, but don’t join at the top. They blend into her body.

These big, outer lips will grow and change with her body; if she is voluptuous, so her outer labia will be. Her inner lips, however, don’t work the same way and remain their original size.

The outer lips may come together completely or be separated by the lovely, delicate inner lips, the labia minora.

The inner lips, those little treasures, are much thinner, sensitive, and completely different beasts to the outer labia. The inner lips may be wavy or wrinkly, darker, and responsive under your tongue. These lips engorge with blood and will fan out, sometimes obviously, sometimes not so much, to invite you in. The inner lips protect the vestibule.

The clitoris

The cone of the clitoral hood – more obvious in some pussies than others – sits at the top of the outer lips, providing protection for her sensitive clitoris, the centre of her sexual pleasure.

The clitoris has a hood because it needs the buffer from the outside world, and protection during sex. At the bottom, the entrance to her luxurious, warm, wet vagina sits.

The peeking head of the clit (or glans clitoris) is the outside section of a deep got-legs piece of anatomy unlike any other on the human body. The clit is big, and the little button on the outside is a false friend – if you think this is it, you are sorely mistaken. The outside portion of the clitoris is but the beginning, however it will be the place that makes her cry out when she orgasms.

The clit is nestled at the top of her vulva, shielded by their protective hood – the clit is very sensitive, more so in some women than others. You’ll need to determine just how sensitive by taste testing and getting her responses worked out. She’ll be quick to shimmy away from you if you go too hard on her sensitive clit, so start off easy and ask where her sweet spot is.

The clit is a small knob of pink flesh that will get erect just like you do, but the beauty of the deep clitoral structures is that they get erect too – you cannot make her cum unless she has a lady boner on the inside and outside. It’s impossible, just like it would be impossible for you.

The clit, while not the only, needs to be the main focus of your activities. Go away, come back, go away, come back – drive her crazy. Watch her lips blossom out towards you. 

See pictures of just how big the clitoris is. 

What to do

Pushing your tongue into her vagina isn’t going to do the trick, but it’s a delicious tease. Licking and sucking her labia big and small, and inner thighs, are wonderful; necessary, too. Then, when she’s erect and her clitoris is full of blood and her vulva is thick with juice, you can start in on the clit with more pressure, as much as she enjoys.

Indirect stimulation may be key for her, but this is why you learn the woman, not how to have sex like a robot. Remember the clitoral structures are big, and once erect, changes the whole landscape of her inner and outer arousal.

Every woman’s pelvic nerve clusters are unique, so when she is erect on the inside, the parts you touch that will light her up with pleasure are going to be different. That’s why some women love anal, while it does nothing much for others. The nerve clusters form in different areas in women, while men’s pelvic nerve clusters are all pretty uniform.

Pressure can increase over time, as her vulva and vagina and inside clitoral structures swell and engorge with blood, and her excitement rises, but start soft – you don’t want to have gone in too hard too fast and made her shy away. Increase pressure over time to observe how different you can touch her once she’s fully turned on.

Back off. Lie your head on her thigh and look at your handiwork, the swollen, beautiful, turned-on vulva and vagina. Tell your lover what makes her body beautiful and unique, what you love about it. What makes it special. Talk to her about her vulva and vagina in as many beautiful words as you can dream up, with love and admiration.

Then, finish what you started.


Original price was: USD $9.95.Current price is: USD $0.00. ex GST/VAT/TAX
Original price was: USD $9.99.Current price is: USD $0.00. ex GST/VAT/TAX
Jessica Lloyd - Vulvovaginal Specialist Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)