Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Hey Aunt Vadge!
My boyfriend and I are planning to have sex. I’m a virgin and have never had sex before. I’ve tried fingering myself – I can usually fit one finger fully inside without any issue, though the feeling is a bit unusual. The problem is I struggle to fit more than one.
I’ve never used tampons and don’t plan to. My concern is whether I’d be able to have intercourse even if I’m this tight. Is there a way to ‘loosen’ myself up? Or would a penis going inside pop some kind of cherry to loosen me up?
I’m so confused!
Sincerely,
Confused
Australia
Dear Confused,
There’s no cherry to pop – that’s a myth, and it’s worth unlearning before your first time. The hymen isn’t a seal across the vagina that a penis “breaks”; it’s a thin, often stretchy fringe of tissue around the vaginal opening, and for many people it simply stretches rather than tearing or bleeding at all.
So nothing has to be popped or broken for sex to work, and you don’t need an “event” to happen. What actually makes penetration comfortable is two things you can absolutely build: arousal and relaxation.
When you’re properly turned on, the vagina lengthens, relaxes and self-lubricates, and the entrance becomes far more accommodating than it feels when you’re tense and testing it with a dry finger – which is why one finger feels tight right now.
You help yourself by going slowly, only when relaxed and aroused, using plenty of lubricant, and letting your body open at its own pace rather than forcing anything. Tightness that’s really about nerves and tension (very normal before a first time) eases with patience and good lube.
If you ever find penetration really painful, or your body clamps shut despite being relaxed and aroused, that can be a sign of vaginismus, which is common and very treatable with a pelvic-floor physiotherapist and graded dilators. But for most people in your position the recipe is simply: relax, take your time, get aroused, use lube, and go gently.
There’s nothing to break and nothing to fear.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
