Something else? Ask Aunt Vadge – bottom left of your screen!
Hi Aunt Vadge!
I’m really worried about pap smears and pelvic exams. My GP is a man and there are no female doctors in my town. I’d feel so uncomfortable and violated if a man touched me down there, even a doctor. Breast exams scare me too, and I’m worried about the speculum – I’ve heard it’s freezing cold.
I’m a virgin and can’t fit anything bigger than two fingers inside me, and I’m very scared it’ll hurt or take my virginity. All the videos make the speculum look huge. I know it’s a necessary part of life, but I hate the idea.
Scared
Canada
Hi Scared,
First, everything you’re feeling is completely valid – your body is yours, and not wanting a stranger’s hands on it is a perfectly reasonable instinct, not something to ‘get over’. So I’ll lead with the bit that might dissolve most of this worry, because it’s newer than the scary videos you’ve been watching: you may not need a speculum at all.
Cervical screening has changed. In many places – Canada increasingly included – you can now do a self-collection HPV test, where you take a simple swab yourself, privately, with no speculum and no one touching you, and it’s just as good at picking up what actually matters.
So the very first thing to do is ring your clinic and ask whether HPV self-collection is available for your screening. If it is, your whole problem may be solved in one private swab.
Whatever you choose, hold onto these, because they’re yours by right rather than favours: you can ask for a female clinician, even if it means booking in another town when you’re next passing through; you can insist on a chaperone – a nurse, or someone you trust – in the room, which any decent clinic offers as standard; and you can stop at any moment, or say no entirely, because consent doesn’t switch off in a clinic.
And, importantly, a speculum cannot take your virginity – that’s simply not how virginity works.
If you do end up having a speculum exam, it’s far gentler than the videos suggest: speculums come in small sizes, the whole thing takes a couple of minutes, and you’re in charge of it.
Tell the clinician exactly what scares you – the pain, the speculum, your virginity – so they become your teammate, and ask for the smallest speculum, warmed and well-lubricated, used slowly, with each step talked through; you can even ask to insert it yourself.
Our guide to making a pelvic exam easier walks through the breathing, the relaxation and exactly what to ask for. And one more bit of relief: if you’ve no specific symptom and you’re not due, there’s no need to rush into an exam you dread, and you can always book an appointment simply to talk a worry through, fully clothed, with nothing happening at all.
You’re allowed to be in charge of this – start with the self-collection question, I think it’ll change everything.
Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge
This is general information, not a substitute for personalised medical advice.
