Aunt Vadge: I’m dry after foreplay now. Why?

Hi Aunt Vadge, 

I have started relationship with my boyfriend three months back and since then our sexual relationship was amazing. But recently I have noticed that my vagina is dry even after foreplay.

Why does this happen? My vagina used to be wet usually. Please guide me. 

Yours,
Dry
Age: 22
Country: India

Dear Dry,

There could be a few reasons why you are now dry after foreplay with your boyfriend. The most obvious reason is that when you start a new sexual relationship that you are really into, your body practically gushes.

After a while, you can start to be a bit less responsive than you once were, simply because the juicy emergency is over. We are not wired to be so easy to turn on all the time; it’s exhausting (and dehydrating!). This in no way means you are less attracted to your lover, but just that you physically can’t keep it up.

It could also be that you are in fact less attracted to your lover; maybe he was annoying, or mean, or not as attentive as you might have liked. We are fickle and finicky creatures, and subtle signs of a partner’s interest in us can cause changes in the way our body and mind responds sexually.

You may want to think about some of the things that have been going on with you and him and just double check that your body isn’t unconsciously responding on your conscious mind’s behalf to make sex less available to this guy.

At different times of your cycle, your vaginal moisture will also change, so make sure you keep track of your periods and ovulation, and notice any patterns there. We are naturally drier immediately after our period. If you are on birth control, this will also change your vaginal moisture in various ways. Perhaps you started taking birth control recently?

Other medications can also dry you up, so check what you are taking and if anything has changed there. It might be quite obvious once you think about it.

You could also have an hormonal imbalance, which may need to be checked, but keep track of your periods for that too.

These aren’t the only reasons why you might dry up though. In more physical terms, the glands that make your sexual lubrication are at the entrance of your vagina. These glands are called the Bartholin’s glands, and they secrete that slippery fluid that you can feel when you are turned on. These glands can get blocked sometimes, but usually not both at the same time.

You should be able to feel a tiny lump if one of these glands is blocked. Check the diagram in the article for the exact location. It may feel tender. This is not a huge issue, but does need attention, as a blockage of these glands can turn into a cyst or abscess if left unchecked.

Think about what changes you’ve made in your life over the past few months, before and after you feel drier, examine your feelings about your lover, and if you want to, go and talk to a doctor about it and be examined. It can’t hurt.

Write anytime!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge

 

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

Jessica is a degree-qualified naturopath (BHSc) specialising in vulvovaginal health and disease, based in Melbourne, Australia.

Jessica is the owner and lead naturopath of My Vagina, and is a member of the:

  • International Society for the Study of Vulvovaginal Disease (ISSVD)
  • International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH)
  • National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) Australia
  • New Zealand Vulvovaginal Society (ANZVS)
  • Australian Traditional Medicine Society (ATMS)
Read more about Jessica and My Vagina's origin story.
Jessica Lloyd - Naturopathic Practitioner, BHSc(N)

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