Aunt Vadge: large, bluish lump on my anus and perineum


A 20-year-old experiences a painful lump on the anus and symptoms of a urinary tract infection after first-time sex, leading to advice on treating hemorrhoids and UTIs, and the importance of sexual hygiene. Aunt Vadge offers insights into managing these conditions with home remedies, dietary changes, and crucial sexual hygiene practices to prevent future issues.

Hi Aunt Vadge,

I’m 20 years old and this weekend I had sex for the first time. I now have a large bluish lump on my the rim of my anus coming up on my perineum. It’s about the size of a grape and very painful. I’ve been fingered before and while it can be very painful after the first finger, nothing like this has ever happened before.

I’ve also been getting the urge to urinate when I don’t have to and I think it may be bleeding. I’ve been spotting so I’m not sure if it’s just that or the injury.

May be worth saying that he accidentally tried to enter me anally at first. I really don’t know what to do please help!


Hi there Lumpy,

Sounds grim. Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of sex injuries!

Your pet hemorrhoid

It would seem that your boyfriend mistakenly penetrating – even a little bit – your anus with his erection has given you what sounds suspiciously like a haemorrhoid. Hemorrhoids are small grape-like protrusions in and around the anus/anal area due to pressure that damages a vein, causing it to bulge.

Although hemorrhoids are not dangerous, they can be extraordinarily uncomfortable, and they tend to burst from time to time when you have a bowel motion, which can cause spotting or some bright red blood on the toilet paper. You don’t mention precisely where you are spotting from, but if you can pinpoint it to your bluish bulge, that mystery is solved.

To solve this, you need to make sure you don’t aggravate the problem, drink plenty of water and eat plenty of fibre to keep your stools soft and easy to pass (vegetables). It will heal up on its own. Don’t use pre-moistened toilet wipes, as they generally irritate the problem as they contain chemicals that, when in contact with raw flesh, aggravate it, sustaining the problem.

Be super gentle when wiping, and rinse with warm water if you find it getting itchy – it will itch when faeces gets into the gaps of raw, exposed vein tissue and starts to irritate it, so if you can, wash gently with warm water after a bowel motion to avoid this.

Hemorrhoids at your age should resolve quickly without issue if you don’t have other problems going on, so just care for it and you should be just fine. If it doesn’t seem to resolve itself after a couple of weeks, check with your local sexual health clinic and see what they say. If you must, have cool or warm baths, use cooling ice packs, and err on the side of looser stools rather than constipation – constipation causes hemorrhoids and will make the problem worse.

Your urinary frequency problem

In relation to the urge to urinate when you don’t have to, you sound like you have a small urinary tract infection. This happens when bacteria from your anal area gets into your urethra – over 95 per cent of urinary tract infections are caused by bacteria found in the anal canal. This wouldn’t be surprising, since your boyfriend has done the unthinkable, and double dipped you.

Double dipping is where you put something into the anus, then the vagina, or go back and forth between vagina and anus, which is the fastest way to give yourself a vaginal infection known to mankind.

Go to your local health food store and buy some high-dose cranberry formula, and scoff those back until the infection clears – when that happens to me, I take 1-2 tablets every 2-3 hours because I’m impatient but it works. The cranberry tablets or capsules must be high dose, and frequent. If you can’t get hold of cranberry herb, unsweetened cranberry juice can work just as well, but you really have to guzzle it back for it to work.

A substance in the dried cranberry herbal formula disallows bacteria from attaching to the urethra walls, inhibiting the infection, and escorting the bacteria out of your urethra. Drink tons of water and pee those little pests out of your urethra, and don’t stop until you have been a day clear of needing to pee when you don’t need to go, even just a little bit. Don’t give them a chance to attach. Pee like crazy!

(Cranberry safety: this is a very safe herb, however if you are taking Warfarin (which is unlikely) or have kidney stone problems, please act with care and do your homework with herbal safety.)

If the UTI doesn’t resolve, take a look at our UTI page for some more tips and advice, including some reflexology points that I’ve used for many years with great success to completely resolve UTIs without resorting to antibiotics. If things do not resolve – or at least start getting seriously better – within the day, you may need to get help from a doctor.

Keep in mind that antibiotics should be a last resort, but you don’t want any infection heading to your kidneys, so sometimes they are necessary. No need to panic just yet – try all our suggestions and see how you go. We are here if you need more help.

Ongoing, your sexual hygiene needs some serious work.

Sexual hygiene

1. Never, ever, ever, ever let anything that has been anywhere near your anus near your vagina – fingers, toys, mouths, penises. EVER. Don’t think this time an infection won’t happen; it will. Be diligent and make sure your lover(s) know what not to do – young men don’t know about these sticky little details since they don’t have to worry about it. It’s your job to teach them.

2. Some women have a short perineum between their anus and their vagina, and are far more prone to infections than other women. Get a hand mirror and check yours, so you know just how close yours is – if it’s super close, you need to be extra diligent until you understand what does and doesn’t cause you to develop UTIs. Frequent UTIs eventually cause scarring, making you more prone to infection than ever, which is highly undesirable.

3. Urinate after sex every time to wash out the bacteria that will have been shmooshed into your urethra. If you aren’t sure, shower. You will soon learn what you can and can’t get away with.

4. Make sure you are eating plenty of fermented foods to keep your healthy lactobacilli balance high – they protect you from foreign bacteria, including inside the urethra.

You also mention painful fingering, which at your age and stage is unacceptable. You and your lover would benefit from reading our article on fingering basics – you can read it together or apart, but you both sound like you could use a bit of help on what and what not to do with your vagina. It’s not going too well so far! The article explains a bit more about the female body for both of you in simple terms, so read it and never get painfully fingered again. If you need anything else, you know where we are!

Warmest regards,
Aunt Vadge